i depress my self

Im supposed to get my period tuesday.. and honestly im not even anxious to test... i rather just wait, get my period and move on. I used to test 5-10 times, days before my "missed period" ...ttc is sooo mentally and emptionaly tiring just stressing myself thinking   about this💔 ive come to the point where i allowed my self to let go and let GOD ! Last time tracking , im getting my hopes up & to just hurt myself 💔