facing my demons

For the longest time I have hid and been so embarrassed of my body. From the age of 7 till 18 I was severely bullied in school. It damaged me and the crazy thing is now that we've graduated guys are coming out saying oh I had a crush on you and blah blah. But those were the same guys that literally watched me get hurt emotionally and physically. I know people so oh people can have a change of heart. But I can't change that now i have anxiety trust issues and I've lost so many people due to the bullying. At one part in highschool I tried to commit suicide and I tried to cut my wrist. But I wasn't brave enough. I was looking for a way out I was tired of being the fat black girl. So after we graduated I lost weight even though I gained 8 pounds from the 25 I lost I am still happy. I am seeing a new guy and it's more about the emotional part of it I think I'm falling in love with his soul. It's crazy but some days I get depressed and I wonder why wasn't I the popular girl with the rich family. But I'm happy and I'm blessed and I hope this new relationship will work out. I know I still I have a lot of demons and problems to face but I just wanted to share with someone this little rant and vent about it