Whenever I imagined my labor & delivery, I envisioned a waterbirth and as of late, a homebirth -but it doesn't look like this is possible where I live.

I've been doing a lot of research on what birthing services and centers are available to me besides the hospital I've begun receiving care from. I live in a small-ish city -I've looked beyond my city, into the region/state for midwives and doulas available for homebirths & water births and have come up with nothing within a reasonable distance. It doesn't even appear my hospital offers a birthing pool. I'm at a loss, I feel kind of defeated when it comes to my own labor and I'm only 16 weeks.

I don't need to hear the rhetoric on why hospital births are safer or "better," I understand the benefits -it's just not what I'm most comfortable with.

There a number of reasons I don't want a hospital birth, one of which is that I know I won't have a swarm of support around me -besides my husband, I have no other family or friends that will be there. I'm going to be outnumbered by strangers (nurses, doctors) in a stale, unfamiliar place and it makes me so anxious. I want a natural, intimate labor & delivery and I just don't see this happening in such an impersonal setting. I'm not one to get friendly with medical staff, because hospitals are centers of business and in my experience doctors are as helpful as car salesmen -so far my pre-natal care has me feeling like just another customer.

I'm bummed, I know there could be worse news but I feel a little lost now. I know I have plenty of time until I'm due but I'm sad I don't have more options of how to bring my child into the world. I'm more scared of labor/delivery than I was before despite the fact I'll be around medical professionals. This is all new to me and for the first time I'm genuinely frightened of what to expect.