Is my bf's behavior abusive?

Question

In the past year or so, my bf's behavior has been changing in a way that scares me.

When we argue or he gets upset, which happens increasingly often and easily, he slams doors so hard it hurts my ears, drives like a madman, talks to me in a belittling and very disrespectful manner, and overall makes me feel sick to my stomach. If the argument happens in sight of other people, he acts nice when they ask and makes it as if I am the bad one.

I have talked about this with him and it has not changed.
 
We are near marriage and this is giving me great pause now. Please do not give blanket advice - this is a serious relationship of 4 years. We have not had issues like this before.

Answer

Don't get married to him. Go to premarital counseling. These are all huge red flags. He sounds like he has anger issues. Easily this can turn in to property damage (i.e. punching walls, throwing dishes, etc.) He needs to learn how to COMMUNICATE with WORDS in a civilized manner. Otherwise, walk away. He won't change after marriage, he'll only get worse.

Answer

Do not get married. This is some very concerning behaviour. Red flags for sure. I would seek out the advice of a therapist to start so they can maybe figure out what's going on. If he flat out refuses to acknowledge that this behaviour is happening then that is a huge sign that you need to leave now. If he isn't willing to even discuss what you feel are real issues then it will only get worse and this behaviour usually gets worse and scarier over time. Have you sat him down and told him that his slamming doors and the way he speaks to you is making you scared of him? Sometimes that's what it takes for people to smarten up. It sounds like he's manipulative in the first place to make it sound like it's your fault. Please have the courage to pick up and leave if this gets worse or he just gets worse. There are people out there that will treat you better than that. I'm all for working it out but when it comes to abuse there has to be a line

Answer

I would at least postpone marriage for another year or two. You honestly either stay or leave.

Answer

Maybe there is something he's holding on to where he's taking it out on you? I dealt with a similar issue with a now ex, I was always getting accused of cheating and it started to get violent a few months after I left him it turned out he was cheating on me.. so there might be a specific reason he's treating you this way. Don't let yourself girl you don't have to deal with it. Definitely not worth the emotional pain

Answer

Do not get married. Not now. Don't say yes. This is serious. You may be able to work this out, but you might not. I'd reccomend talking to him, or seeing a couples therapist or maybe one for just you. But do not marry him yet. That could turn out to be an abusive relationship

Is my bf's behavior abusive?

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