2017 has already been so much for me. My birthday is Jan 1st. Two days before my birthday I found out I was pregnant for the very first time! We were so excited! We were finally going to have a baby! We celebrated my birthday with our hearts full. We bought pregnancy books and told our parents and siblings. I went a week being pregnant and woke up Saturday the 7th feeling like something was wrong. I had cramped the night before, not bad but enough to bother me. Saturday I had no symptoms. I knew in my heart something was very wrong. I tried to push it out of my mind. I was only spotting a little bit of brown and my Ob said that was fine. By sat night it was a little bit of red. I knew deep down I was losing the baby. I asked my husband to take me to the ER. He was confused. I told him what was happening and he tried to reason with me about everything being okay. At the ER they took my blood, within an hour we knew. My HCG had dropped and I am RH Negative. I was losing the baby. They sent me home with three pieces of paper that said "your diagnosis - miscarriage inevitable". I was shattered. Gutted. I felt my whole vision of being a mom disappear. Yesterday it started. Clots. A lot of them. Every time I go to the bathroom I see them and the only thing I can think is "there goes my baby". Cramping. It's all just horrible. A reminder that it's really gone.