PPD 😔

Li
I need some help. I'm a 1st time mom I have a 10 month old baby boy whom I love so much!! He's my world he's my everything. But I have so much stuff on my shoulders I just need to vent. I'm currently living with my fiancé grandparents house. We've been here for about 8 months now. And honestly I just want to leave to badly. I'm ready to pack my bags and leave my fiancé behind. I tried telling him how I feel. And I feel like he brushes it off like nothing. (He works graveyard so he sleeps during the day) I know he feels this way because this is his grandparents. He doesn't phase him. Now living here for 8 months have been living hell for me. I feel like I'm being constantly judged. His family walks all over me like a doormat. They don't care what I say they'll do it. In one occasion my fiancé grandmother suggested to give my son raw honey! I said no!! Now i work full time. And i hope she didn't give him any while I was gone. His family has breastfed their kids. And I get really angry because they they say that my child is under weight. I hate leaving for work. I'm missing my son so bad. I don't feel like I'm a mother since I'm gone most go the time. I'm so depressed living here. I feel like I'm trapped. Living here I can't do anything. I feel like I'm being watched. Someone peeping over my shoulders. Looking at me as if I was going to steal something from them. I don't cook for my fiancée. And I feel horrible. I can't even buy a gallon of milk Or anything bulky because My mil will constant say everyday if I'm going to drink the milk or anything. So I can't buy my favorite food. space is very limited.  I want to love alone and have my own place and not work anymore. But my fiancée doesn't want too. I cry myself to sleep. And all I want to do it yell pull my hair out. Even thought of suicide. My life changed the past 2 years dramatically. Moved away for school. I got into a relationship had a child and now I'm living here. It's eating me inside. And I feel like I'm being ignored all the time. I'm to the point where I want to leave my fiancée move out and live with my parents again with my baby.