Did you marry a man you weren't infatuated with?

Question

I recently got out of a emotionally abusive relationship. He's still around trying to get me back and I'm ignoring him.

Meanwhile, I have met the perfect man!!! He's everything!

But I just don't have that feeling. Where I can't wait. I don't feel "infatuated" or obsessive like when I first fell for me ex.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe that's a good thing?

Or maybe not?

I don't know if I'm still emotionally connected to the ex, therefore I can't feel towards this new guy or is he's just not right for me?

What are yalls experiences?

There's chemistry but it's not the kind that draws me to him. Perhaps no sexual chemistry?

But we haven't spent that much time together, 3 dates.

Will it grow over time?

Answer

It is very well possible that the giddy infatuation you felt for your ex was unhealthy obsession that abusive partners are somehow SO good at generating. Been in your shoes. I wasn't obsessed with my husband at first. In fact, I was still obsessing over my emotionally abusive ex for several months into mine and my husband's dating relationship. He knew, was patient, and everything worked out. He's my saving grace and the love of my life. I still don't feel the unhealthy obsession, but man-oh-man do I love him with all my heart.

Answer

In my experience, and take it from someone who loved bad guys, that feeling is a good sign that the relationship wasn't healthy. I met my boyfriend and I didn't have that infatuation either. I liked him and I grew to love him and I'm attracted to him but it wasnt that passionate feeling I had with the other guys who were bad to me. Take it as a good sign that he's not making you needy and dependent

Answer

I've had that infatuation feeling in previous relationships, they pretty much all turned out abusive in one way or another.

Then I met a man, But I didn't feel infatuated so I questioned if we were meant to be. 
I had a different kind of feeling, something I'd never experienced before. It's hard to describe. To cut a long story short, I married him and never looked back. Never felt happiness or security on this scale before! X

Answer

I like this post. I think you might be on to an adult relationship.

I was told once that you gotta like someone before you love them. Falling in love too soon means you've bypassed the 'like' stage and that's not so healthy. It tends to mean that cos you're in love, you ignore any bad behaviour, you turn a blind eye to disrespect, you let them away with them breaking trust / boundaries etc.

Taking things slowly and not being obsessed too soon means you're giving yourself time to enjoy him, enjoy the relationship and have fun (in my opinion). And you're getting to know all of him, not just the romantic side.

Your post seems upbeat and you seem happy. Personally I'd advise you give yourself time to really get over your ex, block him so there's no adrenaline still running through you when he contacts you etc. And keep things slow with the new guy until you are comfortable sharing that part of your heart again...

Happy for you 💚

Ps. I have this with my boyf and is why I trust the relationship. It's not based on trying to keep alive the excited hype you have at the start of a relationship. That said, many will say they had that hype and they're happy. So there are no rules really, just what works for different people.

Answer

Be glad it feels different than your past relationship. The comparison of 3 dates with a long relationship per se is a bit unfair though. Real love grows and that takes some time. Also, if it's a healthy relationship you won't be completely absorbed by it, but still maintain a certain independence and autonomy as a person. Good luck!

Answer

I married a man who I like, care for and respect. We're so much different in many ways but the values in life are common. I was excited when he was around but not obsessed like when you have a crush. Just a warm feeling that feel secured and at home.

Answer

I am in the same type of situation, seemingly missing that "stupid", "giddy" phase, we've been together a few months and honestly this is definitely the most perfect relationship I've ever had, we don't have that stupid phase but the kind of care we have for one another stems so much deeper than that!! I feel more safe with him than I can ever remember feeling with anyone else, it's a different kind of love that this is growing into, and I'm excited to see what it brings!! Give it some time! You'll know if it works for you two or not!

Answer

I encourage you to look at how miserably your relationship with your ex failed. Infatuation isn't everything. In fact, getting to know someone over a period of time, slowly falling in love, and then consciously choosing to be with them is more important in my opinion and will lay the foundation for a healthier, longer lasting relationship. I mean, look at where infatuation got you… You quickly fell in love with someone who was totally wrong for you. If you take your time to get to know this person, you may find that you end up falling in love. You don't need that infatuated obsession right from the beginning. It is healthier to know more about a person before you become infatuated with them. If you don't get to know someone first, you're infatuated with someone you don't even know.

Answer

😂 Why is this "Did you marry a man.." and not "Did you date a man.."? If you're not into him then you're not into him, it's that simple. You've only had three dates so far. If you have to force it then it's not worth it. Especially with just getting out of a relationship. Maybe just have fun and see what's out there for now, the whole point of dating is to get to know each other, so I really wouldn't worry about marriage right now. Good luck though and have fun!

Answer

It took me 13 years to recover from my abusive relationship. Take time to have time to yourself. Date but take it slow and see what happens. I've finally met the man of my dreams just wish he'd propose now! Lol

Did you marry a man you weren't infatuated with?

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