Am I wrong? What do yall think???

Question

We have been together for 11 years and married for 6. for the last 4 years we have been Ttc I have had every test and ultrasound done to check me, my hormone levels and eggs. I also had 2 obgyns to make sure every thing was good. The only thing they both asked for him to take the sperm analysis  and he has never done it in 4 years and often mentions we need a surrogate or adoption .i get pissed cause I'm like nothing is wrong with me so why would we need someone else? I WANT MY OWN BABY!!! The last 3 times I've mentioned the sperm analysis he get more pissed than the time before and says I'm blaming him and all I'm saying  we need to eliminate you it's the easy part. it brings me to tears but about a year ago when we were talking he flat out told me HE DON'T WANT KIDS AT ALL I was angry for weeks like dude your wasting my time!!! if you would have told me this in the beginning we wouldn't be married. Honestly I think he KNOWS he can't have kids but don't want to let me go... this married life is getting boring with out kids. BTW last year we got a puppy and quickly she turned into my dog..I'm not dumb or blind the dog was a distraction to stop me from crying and talking about babies. .
This year I've started school and now I don't want to be pregnant until after graduation. And when I told him we need to be carefull he acted shocked and sadden like really we not trying anymore?  
My final decision is to give him this full year I'm in school to get the test done. After graduation we will try again but if he doesn't get that test done I'm out, then I can go sperm bank hunting and have a baby before 40.
What do yall think?
Am I wrong?

Answer

I don't think you're wrong. But maybe he's scared it WILL be his fault you can't get pregnant and you won't be able to forgive him. Maybe he wants a surrogate or adoption so he never has to find out if it is his "fault". 
However, there are a lot of really easy fixes for sperm problems. And a lot of different problems that might be Happening. Maybe just invite your husband to see a fertility counselor just to talk. No tests. Just talking. Or talk to your husband about what makes him so uncomfortable about getting tested. Just try and be sensitive to any feelings he might be having. It's easy for us to make pregnancy all about us, but it impacts our men a lot too ☺️

Answer

We think that if we are told we couldn't have children or It's difficult to have them.  We get emotional.... men are more sensitive than we are . He's feeling incompetent useless confused ect..... he's your man you know him better than anyone.  You have to approach this in a way he will be comfortable with discussing. GOOD LUCK

Answer

Girl, I think you're doing the right thing. Finish school, tell him he has until the end of the year to get a test done. If he does, then you're out!

Answer

I think he may be able to have kids he just may not want one and wants to appease you be pretending to try.

Or he can't but won't say anything to you.

Either way something seems a bit odd about that

Answer

I don't think you completely wrong. I understand kids are important to you and if he didn't want kids he should have informed you before you got married. But he is really throwing mixed signals and needs to make his mind up.  But you might could be a little more sensitive because if he can't have kids it might really be weighing on him

Answer

You're absolutely right in your plan. There are a lot of easy fixes for sperm problems but you'll never be able to see if they work if he won't get a test. He is dealing with this in a very immature way and since kids are important to you, I would stick to the deadline and leave if he doesn't take the test.

Answer

Just reading your comment gives me a little insight into why he may be scared of testing. He may actually want a child but not want to be the reason why you're unable to have one. He has suggested other alternatives and also adopted a dog to keep you both emotionally engaged. Statements such as "im out and going to a sperm clinic", "wouldn't have married him if I knew" takes away the emotions from your relationships and makes it seem his job is only to be a sperm donor to YOUR baby as opposed to being a caring partner and equal parent to a child. He may fear feeling inadequate, like "less of a man" or worse, losing you as a result of a test. Talk to him and tell him you both will get through this no matter what and he may be more willing to go to a doctor. Ease him in and keep in mind he loves you and wants a child with you too.

Answer

Not wrong at all.

Answer

You are not wrong at all. Being a mom is what you want if he doesn't even want to try giving it to you then see ya bud

Answer

Your doing the right thing. Plus he lied to you I'm sure he knows he can't have kids and he's wasting your time.

Am I wrong? What do yall think???

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