Anyone else feeling alone in this?

Question

Does anyone else feel like their SO is not "invested" as you want them to be in their pregnancy? As I am extremely high risk he comes with me to doctors appointments, but he never has any questions, never tries to learn about my pregnancy and risks or what will happen when I go into labor. When I've encouraged him to read a book or any information about pregnancy (specifically the labor process) or about fatherhood in general, he has literally said "Stop being pessimistic--we just learn as we go, why do you want me to learn now?" Like--I'm really sorry that I don't want to try to figure out LABOR and how YOU can help me while I'm actively IN labor. I guess I just feel like he is offering minimal support and like I'm alone in this due to his lack of even TRYING to be interested in my pregnancy, labor/birth and even other things like making sure family isn't sick and is vaccinated before coming to see the baby when he's first born.

He's said that me wanting to learn about all of this is me being pessimistic and thinking only about the negative--I literally had to tell him yesterday that just because you choose to ignore and don't try to learn doesn't mean these things aren't out there-- I would rather learn as much as I can to be prepared, especially when it has to deal with a tiny human coming out of my hoo-ha. 😒😒😩 I haven't asked him for anything during this pregnancy--even last night when he said he was going to the store, I asked him to pick me up something with sugar in it as we had nothing in the house (being a type 1 diabetic ive been having super low and dangerous blood sugars b/c of the pregnancy) AND HE COMPLAINED. Like bruh, you were already going to the store. And then the kicker is...he didn't even go because I asked him to get me something! 😩
Sorry for the rant--just wondering if anyone else feels fearful to give birth and become a parent or that they're in this alone even though there SO is "there".

Answer

I remember feeling "alone," in my first pregnancy too, feeling like my husband was not as invested in the pregnancy as much as I was (it was planned, we both definitely wanted it, and we've always had an awesome, easy relationship.) I feel like it's just such a different experience for men. It's like they  become a dad when the baby is born, we become a mom when the baby is conceived. We are experiencing every kick, symptom and emotion and they don't realiZe how incredible this little baby is until it comes out and they begin to really bond with it.  We had planned to only have the two of us in delivery and my mom was able to travel 700 miles within the time my water broke to when I was pushing so we had her in the room and thank God- because she was the best coach ever with each push. My husband just didn't know what he was supposed to be doing. This is our 2nd pregnancy and he is 180 degrees different now that he knows the awesome outcome of pregnancy and has an incredible bond with our son.  Hang in there, and don't forget men are basically cavemen and often need things spelled out for them. It's ok to tell him point blank- I NEED you to read a book and to pretend you give a crap because I feel like you don't and it hurts my feelings! Good luck 🤗

Answer

I think getting educated about the birth process and caring for a newborn is optimistic, not pessimistic! We all learned how to drive a car before we were set loose with one, right? Why not take advantage of other people's knowledge for this major step, too?

Anyone else feeling alone in this?

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