Is this normal?

Question

So, I've never gotten along with my mom. She was a raging alcoholic until I was about 12 and she has always *hated* me. Mostly in subtle ways but she makes her disgust known to me. I got pregnant at age 14 (rape) and although I had wanted to keep it, my mom threw a fit and called a doctor. She didn't even believe I was raped. Now, I'm 22, and she will bring up my previous pregnancy in front of my brothers (who know nothing of that situation) like "well, don't you know something about pregnancy/abortion"? She's done this more than once, always holds my gaze when she says it, always stares at me the whole time to gauge my reaction. And now she's really upped her game by telling me I don't need to have children, and "will I please, please not have children, or if I must, have only one?! Will you please promise not to have kids, you couldn't raise them!" All the while, this woman has had FOUR kids and honestly had no business having any. Now, I have grown a complex about having kids because what if I have them and I end up like her?! Anyone else have a mother that told them not to start a family?

Answer

This is going to sound mean but I think you need to cut her out of your life or at least not talk to her as much. It sounds like she like to cause you pain. She will keep doing it will never stop

Answer

First off... fuck that bitch. The woman who raised me was just like that except she wasn't an alcohol she just abused me day and night for 14 years and took out everything on me. Told me I would turn out just like my mom who was an alcoholic drug addicted pill popper. I got pregnant at 14 and was forced to abort it even though I wanted it. She always makes comments about my weight because when I was living with her I was very anorexic and stayed around 115lbs. For my height and broadness I looked ill but that was perfection to her. The second I gained 5lbs she was telling me I was fat blah blah blah. Well I can say I just gave birth to my amazing son on 12-9-16 and this bitch is up my ass trying to be around him all the time. She now wants to be apart of my life solely to see him which I have made it clear to her that if she can not respect me she can not see him which made her cry but I really didn't feel bad since she literally had just got done making me feel worthless and making me cry. If I learned anything from being raised by 3 psycho cunts and 3 different alcoholic fathers it's that you learn real quick who the hell you don't want to be when you grow up. I know exactly how I'll be raising my son for the simple fact that it will be the farthest from how I was raised. Don't let her cunty attitude get to you. You are your own person

Answer

Sounds like you need to distance yourself for a while, that's a toxic situation.

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It sounds like you need to cut ties with her. I understand she's your mother but seeing as she's telling you this isn't right. It's nobody's business to be in your business. My mom said some hurtful things to me and I cut her out of my life until she got it together. If she did it again, I'd do the same. She wasn't the best mom, I was raised mostly by my grandparents.

Answer

My mother threw a fit when I told her I was pregnant. She had told me that I was a f*cking idiot and then looked at my SO and said, "so are you". Then she proceeded to leave the house and hop on her motorcycle while giving us the death glare. Two hours later she was texting me saying she hopes it is a girl. I had a boy. Our relationship is not very well. She always tells me how I make bad parenting choices, I am too strict, and she can't wait until my sister has a baby because she will be so much closer to hers.

There is so much more but my best advice is to do what you want and try not to let your mother influence you. I was scared to end up like my mother too, but I am very much the opposite. I think that is why we bump heads so much. I made boundaries and if she cannot respect them then I will cut her out of our life, and I let her know that. The rest is up to her.

Good luck, I know mother related issues are so difficult and emotionally draining.

Answer

Your mother is not a nice woman. You can have kids if you want to! And you should if that's what you want! She had NO right to make you have an abortion, that was downright wrong and illegal. I'm so sorry about that. All these things she's saying are verbally/emotionally abusive. I would put some distance between the two of you for sure. It's your life. You live it how you see fit. And just because she's an awful mother doesn't mean you will be. If nothing else she's given you a great example of what not to be. You are not your mother. You can be whatever kind of mother you want.

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She sucks. Shes not a real mother. I'd cut her off. Shes a bad person

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That's disgusting, take NO NOTICE of her at all. She's soooo in the wrong for saying that and you are nothing like her. Don't let her put any doubt in your mind

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I agree with everyone else. Just because she's your mother doesn't mean she isn't toxic. I promise if you cut ties even temporarily until she learns she needs to respect you you'll feel much better.

Is this normal?

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