So my boyfriend and i have been together almost 3 months he hasnt said i love you but talks about us getting married one day. im a laid back religious person and in my culture its custom to wait til ur married to give up ur virginity. my boyfriend and i have a really deep connection and ive never once thought of giving it up to anyone and decided to wait til marriage but the more me and him are together and we get closer the more i consider giving it up to him. he's always telling me that he's gonna wait til im ready and he' always honest with me so i believe him but he also tells me that even tho he wishes we do it soon he'll wait (he's a virgin too so he's eager to do it). im stuck because i feel like im ready to give it to him but a few reasons are stopping me

1. my religion

- if i give it up to him am i going to hell?

- am i possibly going to marry him in the future so is it okay?

- i promised myself that i would wait am i breaking my morals?

2. im scared he's only going go say i love you after we've done it but i dont want us having sex to be the reason why he says it. im kinda of hoping he says it before

3. this is not something that ive told many people... but im not sure i've been sexually assaulted twice.. one when i was 11.. and one more recently in the last 2 years with a family friend.. it came close to rape but my dad came upstairs so nothing happened.. anyways im scared that while we're doing it i might get a flashback or panic.. ive gotten flashbacks before and there have been days that the memories come back and i think about them for a couple days to weeks at a time.. and sometimes when i go through those days and i go see my boyfriend and when he touches me i tend to flinch or have a wave of fear come over me.. my boyfriend doesnt know about this and i feel like i should tell him so he understands why i would want to wait but i dont want him to look at me differently and also its in the past so why bring it up into our relationship when we're so happy

4. my last reason is my mom thinks she psychic lol but she says that when my sister had sex the first time she knew because her body changed so if i have sex she'll probably know but 1. would she really know? 2. my boyfriend and i have fooled around before touching wise and when i get in the car or come home she doesnt say anything?? 3. my mom has always told me that she cant be with me 24/7 so if something does happen be careful but i also know she hopes i save it

someone please help me i dont know what to do 🙁