Please don't read this and not respond it's pretty personal and I really do need some advice. I want to preface this by saying I'm 20 years old now. I graduated high school in May 2015. I went through school with no friends except my neighbor, and she was mean but she was literally all I had. Everyone at school bullied me relentlessly, since I can remember.

I have nonverbal learning disorder and ADHD and have yet to grow out of either. It's a lot like aspergers. I was gifted academically but I couldn't read social cues, facial expressions, body language, sarcasm, and I had a hard time realizing what was and wasn't socially appropriate to say. I was threatened, told to kill myself, hit, kicked, everything every single day. Even my government teacher would tease me, just because I was different.

I'm having a really hard time moving on past that. I know it sounds pathetic, but I still have the same social issues. I still don't have any friends. I left college because I couldn't make friends and I felt like an outcast.

After I left college, I gained some weight, mostly from emotional eating and depression paired with PCOS. I'm scared of seeing people from high school in public so I stay home because I'm still scared of them. I also am behind developmentally in the social sense. My mom also was hurtful and criticized my appearance constantly, and it really hurt my self esteem.

I'm scared people from high school will see me and make fun of me for gaining weight.

I'm scared to go back to college because i don't want to be made fun of for gaining weight and I don't want to feel depressed because I'm an outcast again. I just don't know what to do. Please give me some advice. I don't know how to move on past high school. I don't know how to make friends. I cry so much about losing my childhood essentially and not just being normal. I feel like all of this is consuming me. 😔 I need some advice and support please. I just want friends, I just want to be liked like everyone else.

I know I need to get over myself and I seem so pathetic but I'm just so lonely and my self esteem is so low.

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