Am I overreacting?

Question

I'm 32 and having my first baby. My mother's first grand baby. She understandably excited, as I am too. She offering to buy everything for my daughter. She's a bit well off now and does a lot for my little sister, more than she was able to offer me growing up. I tell her all the time how proud I am of her and her accomplishments. So she wants to "pay me back" through my child. This is Not necessary. My childhood was still great. Here's the problem: not only does she want to buy the nursery furniture, she wants to design my baby's room, pick colors and organize it. I'm so upset because she's really a genuine mother and just wants to enjoy this experience too. My hubby and I haven't asked her to do or buy anything mind you. But this is My first baby and I'm not sure how to handle her. She's also hosting and paying for the baby shower. 
My hubby says that we have house repairs to handle before baby comes, so let her do as she wants within reason. I'm so upset. What do I do?

Answer

So we went shopping together. I picked. She agreed. And she bought. It worked out great. We had a little chat this morning and apparently she took it well. Thanks for all your advice!!!

Answer

Invite her to go shopping with you for nursery things like furniture etc. Pick stuff out and if she offers to pay let her. Don't give her the reigns but maybe try letting her feel like she was part of the process.

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I'm 25 and my mom's only child. She is really taking over. I send her ideas for the baby shower and she just flat out refuses. It's a surprise shower so I don't know anything about it like if she is saying no to my face but still getting what I want. I still live with her and the baby will be in my room, but the room is getting a full makeover. However my mom is picking everything; the new floor, the wall color, the decorations and the furniture.  She tells me not to buy anything, yet she comes home everyday with things for the baby. I'm beginning to feel like a surrogate. She won't discuss the name with me since she has one picked out. I try to talk to her but I don't want to push her away. She didn't get to raise me and I think she feels like this is her chance to do all this stuff. But I try to let her know that it's my baby and I want to have the experience as well.

Answer

I would politely ask her to save most of her $$s and put in a savings fund or college fund for the baby. The baby would be really grateful for the help and support one day!

:) ofcourse, I would also tell her I care about her, and understand where she is coming from. And that this means a lot of me.

Just a thought

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My mom is being the same way and I am also 32 (will be 33 in 2 1/2 weeks). It's her first blood grandchild, my stepsister has a 17 year old and they live across the country now. My mom and stepdad are now retired, so this baby and my pregnancy is their whole world. I wanted grey nursery furniture....my mom said I should get dark wood furniture, and then bought what I wanted when I found something I liked. I found a glider I liked that had the dark wood and a grey or navy chevron upholstery on it that would go with the decor and theme of the nursery....she said I should get plain grey and add a throw pillow to it. She has bought our travel system (because my stepdad, who has the start of dementia, thought I was having the baby in December and wanted me to have it asap at thanksgiving), a rock n play, the baby had their own presents at Christmas. It's overwhelming!  I know she means well and they are excited, but it's hard when they are the ones buying the things to not go with what they want since it's their money that is being spent. She also told me after my shower next weekend we will go get the rest of what I need that wasn't purchased....which I know will mean that she will buy it all. I am very grateful for it all, but it's my first baby and I wanted to pick certain things and I feel so discouraged when my mom shoots down my ideas of what I want

Answer

It's great that your mom wants to help and be so involved, but make sure she's not overstepping her bounds and realizes that YOU are the child's mother, not her. Setting limits early on is going to be much easier than giving her a free-for-all and then having to try and back her off later!

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Allow her to help you within reason. Just sit down and have a chat with her, I'm sure she'll understand. Maybe say that you're happy for her to help and pay for some things but you don't want her taking over as this is your first child and there's things you want to do your way. Tell her she can be apart of the journey but you don't want her taking over. Invite her baby shopping, that way you both get your input x

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Maybe let her help but just tell her you want to be in control of design and such. Tell her how excited you are to pick things out for your new baby and it really is part of the experience of being a first time mommy.

You should be able to tell her something like that in a nice way without offending her. I'm sure she'll understand.

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Just help her with the design. Find things online send her links....I'm sure she'll appreciate the input and it'll help you get something you both love for baby

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I'd say you tell her what you want. And listen to her ideas as well. Then you guys work on it together. My mom moved about 8 hours away, so I'd love it if she could come home and help with my nursery. But it's you're call. Go with your gut.

Am I overreacting?

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