I have no friends. I very far from my family. I'm a dip shit and got too many speeding tickets and I can't drive until the end of February.. this is probably for the best. Ha so, I can't get out of my house. My husband is an asshole. Pretty sure he just hates me. He's constantly making rude remarks. I asked him to grab my plate after dinner, "I don't know where I'm going to put it." The sink was full, I had JUST cooked dinner. He immediately realized what he said and tried to spin it like he was kidding, and then tried to apologize. I don't even care anymore. 

I feel so under appreciated. I feel so alone. I can't help it. I have this stupid voice in my head telling me to just kill myself, constantly. I wish it would just stop. I wish my husband would look at me when I talked. I wish he would tell me, "thank you." I just want SOMEONE to talk to. I try to tell him how I'm feeling and he tells me to stop feeling so sorry for myself, "you're a mom, now." 

I just don't think I've ever felt this low. I'm not looking for pitty. I'm not looking for people to tell me to leave him, I'm not. I just need to get this out of my head. I just need to get it out. I'm also not going to kill myself, I swear. I'm just feeling very low, right now.