Okay me and my Fiancé were/are highschool sweethearts. We've been together going on 6 years & have our first child on the way. We've been engaged for 4 years now. & we're wanting to go get married in April. We haven't been together 6 years straight though, we have been on & off. A year & a half ago we broke up for about 6 months & I had sex with a couple other guys. It didn't mean anything to me I just wanted to move on because i was hurt & did not think we would get back together. I loved my ex still. Fast forward, we got back together & here we are now. He isn't one to ask me "what I did or didn't do" while we're broken up because he believes "it's none of his business I can do whatever I want & so can he." However he's my bestfriend & i tell him everything. I never mentioned to him though that I slept with some other guys. I feel like a piece of shit for it & regret it & like I said earlier it meant nothing to me, was a harmless gesture to get my mind off of my at the time ex. Where this comes into play now is I'm wanting to tell him, because I don't want to get married & have that on my conscious. I want a clean slate. How do I go about telling him? I'm terrified I'm going to lose him even though he has told me "what happened in the past happened & theres nothing we can do to change it no matter how much we want." & even though he doesn't particularly care what happens when we break up, it still bothers me. How should I go about telling him? I know I'm going to get negative comments on this because most people on here are "Perfect" in their mind, but I genuinely need help. He's never asked so I never told him. Just like I never asked if he slept with other women or talked to other women. He does know I was talking to one guy, but not that I slept with said guy & others. I really need some advice. 😔 I feel dirty with this on my conscious. I hate myself enough but I can't keep it from him any longer & especially since we're planning on getting married. I understand that there is a chance he won't want to get married at the moment anymore & I'm fine with that, as long as I don't lose him for good. He's all I have other than our child. Any advice helps. I will update when I tell him. Thank you guys 😔

**UPDATE**

I should've added on that he's my bestfriend & I'm his. We've always told eachother everything. & we have been through ALOT.

Okay, so I told him this morning. & he agreed about a clean slate before we get married because marriage isn't about lies or secrets or things being hidden. It was very hard to tell him but that's literally the only thing he did not know about me, I'm not a very secretive person & especially not to him. I can't lie to him & never have been able to. I just look into those baby blue eyes & I just can't bring myself to lie to him. Some of you guys were right. He did tell me something I didnt like, but I want all honesty so I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at myself. For the whole time we've been together I convinced I was the second girl he's slept with. While he took my virginity. Thus chick had no name because he "didn't remember her name, it was meaningless" so he "didn't even remember the details on it". I told him before he went to work. He had all day to think about what I had said to him. & While thinking about things, he decided he was going to tell me his secret/lie that he has kept from me for almost 6 years. Chick he lost his virginity didn't have a name because I took his virginity.. he made up he lost his virginity because back when he was younger his "friends" made fun of him for not having a body count (losing his virginity how many girls he's slept with). It came as a shock to me because I've always been convinced of this mysterious chick that took it before i could.. I'm not mad at him. I feel special, honored so to say. But I am mad at MYSELF because I've slept with other guys.. and that hurts because my fiance is my world.. when we break up I go down a spiral. Drugs, carelessness, alcohol, anything to numb the pain. & i had to pick that to numb it. He's not mad at me, he doesn't hate me, he's not leaving me, but he is a little hurt because "it's hard picturing my baby with another guy sexually". He forgives me & we are going to work through this. He told me he thinks nothing different of me & he assured me it will be okay. I feel dirty because I'm the ONLY chick he's ever Been with sexually.. & he's not the only guy I've been with. I have alot of accepting to do with myself. But I feel better with us both having clean slates so we can get married & not have anything hidden. We are still getting married by the way, & we believe this will strengthen us with the honesty & no secrets! He thanked me for being honest with him & the reason he told me about him lying was because I was honest with him and told him my secret. He agreed that it would've been worse if he found out on his own later down the road. So he is relieved I told him. Thank you all so much for the insights, the good ones & the bad!