heart break
I was ovulating today. For the first time in 14 months, after rounds of clomid, I was ovulating today. I almost couldn't believe it when I read the ovulation test. I have gotten so used to checking back after 3 minutes, seeing one line, and chucking it in the garbage. But today, today there were two lines, equal in intensity. I did a second test just to make sure, since I didn't believe it. Yep, same result in that test. I called my husband, told him I was ovulating.
Today was extra special; the anniversary of getting engaged 4 years ago. It would be a special night as we tried to conceive our first child. I went to the store, bought porterhouse steaks and twice baked potatoes for dinner. It would be reminiscent of the steak dinner we had the night he proposed. It would be special. Until he got home.
He walked in the door. I greeted him with a smile, a kiss and "I love you!" He replied with "I'm tired. I want to take a nap." I reminded him that I was ovulating and that I had a special dinner planned for the occasion. I said "We could have sex and then you can take a quick nap before dinner." He simply groaned and proceeded to take a 5 hour nap, missing dinner entirely. Then pick a fight.
Today was supposed to be my chance to be a mom. Today was the last cycle that my doctor would authorize clomid, saying if I didn't get pregnant this time I would have to try <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, a process I simply can't afford.
Today was supposed to be special.
How can I love a man who can so easily dismiss my deepest and sincerest dream of being a mother?
Today was heart break.
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