anxiety taking my newborn outside

It isn't until I go out in public or shopping with my baby boy that my anxiety plays up. I suffered really badly with anxiety a year ago and it did ease but it's come back twice as bad now. I constantly check on my baby while I'm out to make sure he's still asleep with no signs he will cry or wake up early for a feed making a corruption. I feel terrible for being that way but I hate causing a scene and for people to stare, even when I'm pushing him around and people stare at my son then look at me I feel uncomfortable.

Is that normal for me to be that way , to be anxious ?

I only feel relaxed if someone else is pushing him or if I've made it back to the car with him without him crying.

In my head I'm in denial of me and my husband not working out and he is a control freak and a compulsive liar. He never admits to what he's done or apologises for the things that happened. Instead he is threatening to take full custody cause I'm refusing to let him see the baby, as I don't trust 100% what would happen but at the same time in my " dream world " I picture how we could have been together, as a married couple with a son as one nice loving family and he ruined that, it breaks my heart and I'm full of guilt because of this fake illusion.