I need to vent. It's been 3 years that I found out my husband cheated. I choice to stay for the reason I made a vow to be with him. I choice to stay to work things out to be the family our kids needs. Not a day goes by that I'm so angry and bitter and blame God for this. He supposed to protect me from harm I know it's not gods fault and it was my husband choice to have an affair. God had nothing to do with it. I just can't pass this and let it go. It bother me. He said 1 thing she said another and at the end he said no matter what it was cheating. God I wish this wasn't the truth I wish it was a lie or I never found out. I am filled with so much hate to her and him. I have no love in my heart to love him back. I'm so blinded right now that the second I try to open up to his love and love him back in tell myself no shut the door don't let him in. You deserve better. It's not him who you want to love forever. But I can't leave him. I try to tell him how I feel but he never speaks about it. I know he doesn't want to talk about it. And a lot of ladies in here are so quick to say how stupid I am for staying how can I respect myself or how I let him walk all over me. I should have more respect for myself. But it's not the case when you're religion is based on no divorce, forgive. If God wanted us to leave each other he would off made it happend already. We were meant to be together but this is holding me back. I feels as my love for him dead and it's not coming back and I'm stuck in this marriage. What am I supposed to do how can I pick up the pieces of our broken marriage. How do you heal from this pain and hurt that comes everyday.

Update: thank you all for your advice and I started to do what you all had said. I still have some hard days but mostly good. We had our baby girl and now she is 4 months. We didn't plan on getting pregnant. It just happenend. I know it wasn't fair when I was and still get angry at times. I'm able to speak about if without losing control. He understand me and try to help me as much. I suffer from panic attacks and ever since I found out it wasn't easy. So he try to calm me down. He spoke about it but since I spoke to her first is hard to believe him. But I said that the end of the day you cheated you had sex with her and you keep on. Even if you say she blackmailed you to keep having sex with her it just shows of what kind of men he was. But he still try his hardest to make me happy.