Hello I'm a Daddy. I haven't really seen men showing much genuineness on here. I want to say how I feel. I feel nearly completely left out of the baby process.

It's a feeling that only I have and I know the real story is that I played a big role. But I have been dreaming, needing and asking God to give me my perfect wife and to let me bring a child to us. We both were told we couldn't have kids so I was determined. We did it. My wife was amazing and we grew into a better team over the pregnancy.

However there's no place I found for Dads in the carrying and birthing process. Over nine months I had little influence. Now after baby is born I'm struggling to find myself. It started after we found out we were pregnant. There was no real natural role for me. I couldn't eat anything to help baby like mom. I can't affect baby by my exercise, nor does anything I really do help him. So I spoke and sung to him almost every day. Then I was told he could not hear me or see me. I did it anyway.

I cooked for my wife hoping to feel connected to our baby through providing nutritious food to mommy. It wasn't the same; he's attached to her not me. I thought well maybe I can influence the birth and be the first one he sees, touches and hears. I was frightened I'd be disposable. So we went to tour places to have baby. I nearly gave up after seeing the awful birthing areas in hospitals. The rooms were the same if someone was dying from a gunshot wound or bringing in a life for the first time. I was told, Daddy you get to sit over in the corner and watch mommy get a Cesarean. I was like "no I'm catching my baby, I'm filming my tell him I love him". They said no filming and no family. If there's complications, which they seemed to insinuate happen every time, then I have to leave.

I've gotten a medal of Heroism, swam Alcatraz and ran 20 miles pulling 250lbs.. I have a right to be there. I felt dismissed and unnecessary and this was my idea, my desire and I had an overwhelming drive to be a Daddy. It was not fair.

I started to wonder how this influences men. We are segregated and dismissed by society on top of being unnecessary by nature. I refuse to be like so many men who have no real bond with their child. I ask, "why does it be this way?" Part 2 coming up.