I am a first time mom and on social media I look like I have it all together. 

Reality: motherhood is a beautiful mess. 

 Since birth my son was diagnosed with acid reflux.  It's so bad to the point where he has been on medication for it since he was 4 weeks old.  So because of his painful reflux he would never sleep, cry constantly, and needed to be held 24/7.  On top of all of that I was dealing with postpartum anxiety.  I live over an hour away from family and was constantly calling my mother hyperventilating because my son wouldn't stop crying and I didn't know what to do.  So many times I would go in the bathroom, lay on the floor and just sob.  But while all of this was going on I would manage to snap at least one adorable photo of my baby boy and post in on Instagram.  So to the world it looked like I had this angelic little boy who loved to sleep and loved to smile.  But behind the scenes I was ripping at the seams.  I felt that I had to live up to all the other social media moms who had it all together.  It wasn't until after talking to some other moms that I realized that most of us were secretly falling apart.  The problem is that everyone acts like every part of motherhood is great and easy because no one wants to feel like that mother who is "failing."  

So if you're a mom reading this who is falling apart, who feels like the days never end, who cries on the bathroom floor...you are not alone.  We are not failures.  We are not bad moms.  We don't need to have it all together.  Nobody does!  Most days my hair is in a greasy bun because I haven't had time to shower that day.  My face is bare with zero makeup, and I sleep in the outfit I wore the day before because half the time I don't even have the energy to switch into pajamas.  This is motherhood.  And it's okay to not like all parts of motherhood...poopy diapers, am I right ladies?   

And let's talk about the physical changes.  I have lost so much of my hair due to postpartum hair loss.  My face has become extra oily.  I don't fit into any of my old jeans.  I never feel "sexy" anymore.  And if my son happens to fall asleep for a little nap the last thing I want to do is spend it working out.  I see so many moms on Instagram who snap back into tip top shape 2 weeks after having their babies...and that's amazing!  But I do not have that body type, and guess what? That's ok!  We carried these babies for nine months.  Our bodies went through massive changes. We need to learn to love our new bodies because they housed and grew the most incredible little humans.  Just remember that you are beautiful.  

But mixed in all of the chaos are the smiles, snuggles, hugs and kisses.  Getting to watch them grow and reach new milestones is the most indescribable feeling.  When my son looks at me, touches my face and just smiles at me I just melt to mush and it makes every hard and awful moment 1000% worth it.  I love my son in a way I didn't even know you could love someone.   

 So if you ever feel like you are the only mom falling apart I challenge you to have a real talk with another mother.  You will quickly learn you are not alone. 

Motherhood is a beautiful mess.