constant bickering ... am I wrong???

Question

I need some unbiased thoughts here because if I tell my friends and/or family they'll side with me and that's not what I want. I want honest opinions ladies!

My husband and I are constantly arguing. About anything. He never believes me and is always questioning anything in conversation. Even the dumbest things like hurting my hand - he says I'm overexagerating and "did it really hurt that bad?" Wtf. I can't even talk about he dumbest things like that without him trying to prove me wrong. It's so dumb but am I over sensitive?

Another example - I asked him to put some boxes in a specific place and he's looking right at me and sets them down where he wanted to. I naturally started yelling because  I just don't understand why he wouldn't just put them where I asked him to and suddenly it's my fault and he wasn't going to do it if he didn't understand why. Shouldn't me just asking be enough?!

I'm seriously depressed about this and it's just 2 dumb examples from the past 12 hours.

What am I doing wrong?

Answer

If you are newly married then this is natural. You all are getting used to one another and haven't quite figured out communication skills yet. My husband and I have learned to take three deep breaths before speaking and doing so in a calm voice even if we feel like yelling. We both are easily triggered so a bad tone can really cause a fight where neither is really listening to the other. When it gets to be too much and you feel like yelling or have already yelled one of you go to the bedroom and the other needs to go to another part of the house to think about the fight and calm down. Sometimes stepping away for a moment can help you truly listen to the other and also helps you get your thoughts collected so that you may rephrase and explain yourself better. During that time you also must consider whether the fight is big enough to continue or if you both just need to drop the issue. Finally never go to bed without figuring out a fight. Even if it is 3am you need to figure it out or work through it so no resentment will build. Remember to always say I love you and let the other person know they are valued during the fight and the best way to avoid fighting is to set some time aside after dinner with all electronics off and let one another rant about and discuss their day. This was our biggest help. By letting one another rant (even if it was about our spouse) and creating a safe space to speak we never felt pressured any longer and we never felt resentment. This is what works for my husband and I and you need to find your own communication groove. Try this. Sit down with your husband and say you noticed he is tense and slightly aggressive lately. Ask him what is bothering him. Hold his hand and pry until he says it. He'll start out saying nothing trying to be strong but he will eventually tell you what's wrong. This passive aggressive behaviour is due to the fact that he's stressed. Do this and soon he'll just tell you.

Answer

From my experience, marriage just sucks and I don't know why people do it. If I could go back, I would skip marriage and have a happy freaking life-ALONE.

constant bickering ... am I wrong???

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