One week ago today, my heart shattered, as I went into the ER thinking I was miscarrying and then a few hours later being told my baby is alive and growing, but I had to abort...something I would never in my worst dreams do. The doctors go on with telling me "you could have just taken a pill that would have "dissolved" your pregnancy, but you're too far along so we have to do emergency surgery." Sitting in that room with my husband, trying to wrap my head around everything that I was just told. After wanting something so bad, and in hours just have my dreams ripped from me. I go into surgery and everything goes well, so I thought...now I'm waking up, wanting to go home thinking everything is okay. Only to be told that when the surgeons went in, they found internal bleeding that had been going on for a while...it would have killed me. I had to stay overnight so they could keep an eye on me. One day passes, and a crowd of doctors come in to talk to me. During surgery, they had to remove my only good, functioning Fallopian tube, because that's where the bleeding was coming from and it wouldn't stop. The tube they left is full of cysts, infections, and 100% non-functional..."you need fertility treatments..." I can't have kids...not on my own, anyway...my heart shattered even more. One day, I just lost my baby...the next day (after midnight) I almost lost my life, and found out I can't naturally get pregnant..."<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> in the state of Oklahoma is $30,000" they said...I could never afford that...I was already afraid I couldn't even afford diapers...and then I was told I had to stay ANOTHER night..so glad my husband stayed by my side the whole time. He literally NEVER left my side, other than when he took a shower and when I was taken away for tests. He is my strength. Monday - I was finally released with papers demanding bed rest for at least a week and a half. And a check up on the 7th. If my other Fallopian tube does not have any improvements, I have to go in for another surgery...which means another week of bedrest. It's hard enough keeping me down now. But so blessed, my husbands dad payed for my mom to fly out here (she's from Utah.) to be with me and help us. So even though this situation has crushed me, and made me feel so empty...I've come closer to my husband. And my faith has grown stronger. If this situation didn't happen, I wouldn't have known I had internal bleeding. I would have died...

And another plus, I got to see my mom for the first time in a year. Trying to keep my head up. I know one day, I will be able to hold our baby forever❤