I'm 19 years old, to be married June 13, 2018

I really want children. As soon as I realized that babies come from me and not from the stork as a child, I've wanted to be the best mom I could be to my future kids.

I'm engaged to a perfect man, he is my soulmate. We've discussed children, and while we want the same amount and to raise them in the same ways, he wants to wait possible 3-6 years before having any. He's explained his reasons, and they make sense. I agree with him completely, but I get so sad. Even waiting the time of the engagement and the term seem sooo long, so another three or more years sound impossible to me.

Tonight, sitting by myself, I started crying thinking about it. I thought about childbirth. I thought about yelling and shouting and screaming from the pain of it. But I thought about screaming how much I'd love my chirldren and how I would take care them. How my husband would be there, holding my hands and saying "Yes, my love, we'll give them the best lives we can. Yes, darling, we'll be the best parents. Yes, Rebekah, they will love you. I love you."

I wish I could have them now, but I could not give them the life I want to give them if I did.