Down and Insecure

I've never posted anything in this app, but I've seen a lot of positive things. I'm feeling really down and disgusted with my body lately, being the heaviest and biggest I've ever been. I want to start getting back to where I used to be but staying motivated and getting into a routine is so hard for me. I'll do well for a few weeks then fall off. This is a pattern for me and I'm losing hope I'll ever look good again. I worked out tonight and literally cried three separate times.