I need some reassurance, or slap of reality, something

lacy • Im 20 years old. Baby #2 comming soon
OK first off I'm venting a little and I honestly think I have depression or mixes emotions or idk something, my life started to screw up when I was 14 I had sex with a 39 year old and yes I know it was rape and we went to court and everything , anyways I loves this man he took my virginity it lasted 6 months with this guy until my dad found out thank god, when that was over I cried my self to sleep you know little girl heart break, anyways it happens again with a 29 and 24 years old at different times both went to court yes I was a little whore but them men used me cause they made me feel like I needed them they all were close friends to me, not anymore anyways, I had a lot happen to me and I got with this man that I am with now he is so wonderful he stuck with me after everything that happened to me and made me feel safe I was a good kid till 14 I never snuck out I got good grades , never drank or partied , nothing i did my chores and was a good kid, the man I am with now I cheated on him once 2 years ago I way 16 and a really bad person he forgave me and I never in my life did him wrong ever again I am very thankful for this man we for married 5 months after everything happend I was still 16 at the time my mom signed papers my parents are divorced, then I found out I was pg on April 1 2016 and had my son December 12 2016 at 17 years old , ibhave had soo much happen to me in a few years in life , what I'm trying to say is here latley I've been wanting to be alone I love him some days and some days I don't I love my son so much it seems he is the only one who makes me really happy here latley , some days my husband makes me happy and the next I asked why am I marries to him and after I think that I make my self feel bad cause I don't really feel that way, and then I make myself feel worse cause of when i cheated cause ibhurt him and I didn't mean to and I fall into peer pressure and crap which it still ain't an excuse amni just a crazy bitch and whore or just a person with a lot of problems in life rude comments are welcome I need a slap of reality or meds to keep my head straight I guess you can say, I dowel on the past and make my self hurt cause of the wrong I did in life but again I'm happy with who I am with, he makes me happy and we love each other i just want to be normal, sorry if this is in the wrong group or If this don't make since sorry.....