I know it's silly. I had so many before moving. And I could really use someone right now. I feel like I'm in a toxic relationship. He's the love of my life. I don't know if he just has anger problems or what.. before I got with him I was really really single. Alot of guys wanted to get with me but I never went for it. I was scared nervous and everything else. I didn't want my heart broken. I was the single friend everyone else went to for advice. I met him in high school that was a player at the time and even though he made my heart pound like no other I didn't fall for him. Years went by and we stayed in contact and building a friendship but I moved away. I visited there and him alot and we got together and he ended up moving by me and we got a place together. He's been my first everything. And he has good days but I feel like everyday it's something. I don't feel good about myself anymore. When we fight it's like he aims to hurt me and it does hurt. He knows it does. I've been called alot of names. And he doesn't seem to appreciate what I do for him. I clean and cook. And when I ask him to help clean after cooking or something he calls me lazy. And he never picks up after himself. There were a few times I'd make him food (we don't eat the same) and he just put it in the garbage. That really hurts you know? But when we are good we are so good. Guys, i fell in love with my best friend. He went missing on me and so he ended up being in the hospital across the country and I called hospitals around there (i knew where he lived because thats where I'm from) and I was there for him while he was going threw that hard time. It was more than once. I just hate feeling like this. I finally waited for the right one and now he isnt? I feel like crap. My first time he was worried about cumming. He wasn't there for me you know? I was in pain. It just wasn't love. But he does so many great things too. Like take care of my dog. He has alot of money but we don't work. I did have a job but i wasn't happy and he wanted me to quit. He said he would take care of me. It took alot for me to do that. But i did finally. I'm not one to lean on someone. He didn't want me to get a job right away. Now he yells at me to get a job and throws his money in my face every chance he gets and makes me feel so stupid for ever quitting. I trusted him. I was recently sick and was taking care of myself. And I was holding my head in pain and he called me a cry baby and said to do something about it instead of just sitting there. We got our home together and now when we fight he tells me to get out of his house and I'm not sleeping in his bed. He's threatens to take me off of the lease. And he starts the fights but even when he's wrong, he's still a jerk? I miss the guy i fell in love with. He use to do anything for me. And sometimes he still will. But I would wake up to Starbucks and cuddles and if i was sick i didn't have to worry about anything. I'm not hard to please. I don't need Starbucks. I just want to love and be loved you know? I do anything for him. But when I try to do something nice it gets thrown in my face. But he has been so good to me at times. I'm sorry this is alot but maybe I feel stupid. Idk. Whatever it is I have noone to personally talk to right now. Were both 21. He has had so many girls before me. And he is my first. He got me a gorgeous promise ring but then he will say he didn't mean anything. Idk. I don't know sometimes if it's him or am I doing something wrong. If you read this whole thing. I really appreciate you. I have noone. So you reading this means alot to me. If you ask questions or anything i will edit this. So please check back.