I have a really unhealthy view on food and Im wondering if I have or am maybe developing an eating disorder.

So background info; growing up with my verbally and emotionally abusive controllive parents who always told me I was fatty and called me a Hippopotamus all the time hoping to "shame me" into losing even more weight etc, but looking back at my photos I was stick figure skinny. My mother is so skinny her bones stick out and she claims "There's one dimple on my butt! Im so fat!" Meanwhile she's so skin and bones my husband is afraid of breaking her bones if he hugs her!

Growing up with that, when I left home I started seeking comfort in food, I saw food as one less thing they could control anymore, I started eating as a means to cheer myself up when depressed (which was alot). But after awhile my meal portions got bigger and bigger. Now after so many years its got out of control, I find myself eating larger portions than my husband! I have no self control when there's sweets in the house, when Im feeling down I can sit down and eat an entire box of chocolates to myself or a family sized pack of large chips to myself, when we have goodies in the house I find myself wanting to "dig in" quick before I miss out and end up having more than everyone else! I have this almost possessive feeling toward food 😔

I actually get more depressed if Ive gone days without chocolate and Ive gained alot of weight over the years.

I want so badly to be skinny and healthy again but i struggle so much with eating healthy and having normal portion sizes that it feels like a battle!

Ive always tried to ignore it out of feeling ashamed but i cant help but wonder is this an eating disorder???