Hardest decisions

The hardest decision for me so far in my marriage is that we aren't ready for kids. Been married for over a year, TTC for 5/6 months now and I feel like the relationship between my husband and I has gone to hell. I'm off my meds for TTC and I have become a less than tolerable person and he is just a typical selfish guy at this point which I thought he was better than that. Honestly I don't even know if I love him anymore. We fight all the time and I feel miserable. I don't want a divorce though. I WANT to love him. But if I don't right now, having a baby isn't going to just fix all that. I want to be a steady rock together before we have a family. I've been asking for a baby even before we were married and would cry all the time because the baby fever was unreal. And he finally agreed and I kept crying because it was the best of news. And now I am taking that away from myself. I wish love and marriage was simple.