Am I ready

I don't know if I am ready to have another child. I am already a mother of a 11 year old. My boyfriend and I been pregnant before . However we decide that it was best to terminate because of timing . Now almost 30, I don't know if I am ready to be a mom all over again.. I'm scared that if I decide to terminate again .. I will never have my second child ... and not be able to conceive because I been threw 2 abortion and a miscarriage all in a two year.... but am I READY?!?? How will I ever know?? Why am I so scared if I already know what to expect?!?
Sorry 😞
Just felt like venting*