Advice for not being afraid?

Question

I keep reminding myself that being worried or afraid will have zero impact on the outcome of our next pregnancy. But at the same time, I feel like part of me is almost dreading becoming pregnant again. I really want to be pregnant, but like I said I'm just still so heartbroken.

For context, I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks that ended in D&C on Jan 25. Today is the first day of my first period after all of it. So I find myself kind of having to confront whether or not I'm actually "ready" to try again.

I feel like I'm probably as ready as I'll ever be. But how did you ladies keep your worry in check? How did you get yourself to enjoy the TTC process again? And how did you learn to celebrate the new pregnancy without being overwhelmed by the fear of another loss?

Answer

I'm now 21 weeks. I wish I could tell you that at some point during this pregnancy I have been able to relax. But I haven't. At first it was "when I see the heart beat I'll relax" then "when I get to 12 weeks I'll relax" and then "when I find out the gender I'll relax" and "when I'm past my half way mark I'll relax" now I'm just trying to make it to 24 weeks so if I go into early labor the babies have a chance to survive. Anytime I feel moisture in my undies I'm sure it's blood or that my waters have broken.

I'm not saying this to be a downer, I'm trying to be realistic. Miscarriage takes something from us. Not only does it take our babies and our hopes of a new future but it also takes from us the normal pregnancy experience of a women who hasn't experienced loss.

Women who haven't had a loss worry, I feel it's magnified for us because we wonder "can I handle that pain again"

After all of that is said, I try to step back and be positive. It's a miracle I'm carrying twins again. I'm so excited to be having 2 boys. And I hope that you get your rainbow soon 🌈🌈🌈

Answer

I can't give you personal advice because I have never gotten far enough in either of my pregnancies to take a sigh of relief but support is how I have survived. The IVF clinic I go to has a mind body center which offers therapy, group support and other holistic approaches. Whether it's a group setting, reading blogs or books about infertility/loss we can support the other women in the club that none of us want to be a part of. Best of luck!

Answer

I'm so sorry for your loss. My period was a little heavier but not too abnormal.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to try again so we just took a "see what happens" approach. I'm pregnant again! 10 weeks and so far, so good. We heard the heartbeat and I cried.

It is scary to try again, but just like you can choose to be happy you have to choose to not let fear rule your life. My husband reminds me of that when I start spiraling into being too worried. You have to hope for the best bc otherwise what's the point in trying?

I'm sure you have happy news in your future!! Good luck💕🌈

Answer

I had an ERPC yesterday which is the UK equivalent to a D and C I think. Can I ask, was your first period different to your periods before everything happened? I'm like you and once we get to the stage of trying again I'm worried it will all just happen again! I can't afford the time off work and it's just too much to have to cope with. I desperately what our rainbow baby xxx

Advice for not being afraid?

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