any advise? 😔 not a cheating post*

Question

UPDATE*** well I confronted him and he told me it wasn't a big deal that 30 years from now me being raped wouldn't matter... pretty sure that will always fucking matter to me... and he was mad at me for snooping around. He said that she doesn't know our names and couldn't pick me out in a crowd so him telling her was not an issue. 
I'm seriously so hurt by all this. We just had our baby not even a month ago though and I just don't have the energy to fight about it. 
ORIGINAL POST****
Okay, let me start by saying that I know snooping is wrong and my BF is truly wonderful BUT I had seen he was messaging a girl from one of his online games, so on a day I was feeling particularly insecure I decided to look at the messages between them. I found that he had shared pictures of himself (nothing inappropriate) and pictures of me (that his friend complimented)... this online friend does not know his real name so it is sort of anonymous chatting but he did share our pictures and for that reason I feel upset that he also shared with her that we previously had an abortion... 
I was extremely hurt by this but did not say anything. Now last night I saw over his shoulder he was messaging this girl again so I looked at their messages today while he was at work and found that he had told this girl that I was raped in high school... WTF...
So now this stranger has seen my pictures and knows literally the most personal and unpleasant things I have ever been through. I am so hurt he told this girl these things about me but I can't confront him about it bc I found these things by snooping. I truly do not know what to do. 😞 it just isn't right to be sharing such private things about me with someone I don't know (he doesn't even really know her) and also providing her with my photos.

Answer

If he was cheating and you found out you would have confronted him, yes? Same goes for this... guy found something that's upset you and now you have to live with the consequences of confronting him otherwise you're going to start becoming angry at him and eventually that will show in your behaviour and he will be unsure what he did and that's not fair on him... if he's mad that you went through his personal things then that's what you have to deal with too (and he's entitled to feel that way, same way you're entitled to feel the way you do)

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Be honest and tell him the truth, there's no shame in having suspicions and then checking. If you don't say anything it will just build and build inside you and one day it'll all come out and be 100 times worse

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I'd be very hurt by this, it's understandable that you'd feel uncomfortable by this. Yes. You were snooping. But what you found was something that absolutely does need to be addressed. Acknowledge that what you did was wrong and apologize if you need to but, do not let this just sit without being discussed. I don't think it's fair to you for him to be sharing just intimate details about you and your life with an anonymous stranger. Even if this is his friend and he, for some reason or another, felt like he needed to discuss it with an outside party it doesn't mean your feelings on it should be disregarded.

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I agree that he stepped over the line. That's not acceptable... I'd say something.

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He should not be sharing any personal information in online game chats. I know my husband doesn't

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He didn't cheat but he knows nothing about LOYALTY....I would never share anything personal about my life with him again...Smh

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Of course you can confront him! He's really going to talk to you about snooping when he's completely betraying your trust by telling a stranger your deepest darkest secrets? I would tell him to go suck an egg if he tries to do that. That is really fucked up!

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If you have shared these info to your partner with trust then definitely you should try to clear things out with him. Try to have an open conversation with him and explain him that you are not comfortable with him sharing your intimate details with other people and also apologize for going through his phone behind his back. I'm sure he will understand you if he truly cares and has nothing to hide. But do it maturely without sounding rude! After all you will not appreciate if he sneaks into your privacy without your consent as well.

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In regards to your update… What a horrible thing for him to say to you! I would tell him that he needs to stop trying to invalidate your feelings and just listen to how you feel and understand that you feel betrayed and do what he needs to do to make you feel better about that.

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In what context was the conversation? I mean, there's a difference between him wanting a female perspective on something and being more comfortable asking a stranger and him being inappropriate. I don't really find it to be an issue that he talked about it, I'm pretty open about things in my life, it doesn't sound like you were keeping your abortion or rape a secret if you're sharing it on here. Maybe you're more bothered that it's a woman he's talking to and less about what he's talking about?

any advise? 😔 not a cheating post*

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