Breakups and Relationships
Alrighty there are some things that I would like to say/ some advice that I would like to pass along to all the other ladies on this app. Whether you are going through a breakup, a friend is going through a breakup, you need to have a chat with your daughter or son about breakups, or you just need to take a much deserved moment and give yourself some love, I hope in all sincere ways that this post helps you out.
My boyfriend and I of 5 months broke up February 16th 2017 ( we officially dated for a little over 5 months, but we had been "mentally" in a relationship for ~8 months ). Also mind you I am only 16 years old, but I figured I would share and give you my fresh knowledge.
Where do I even begin. This boy was my first actual real legitimate boyfriend. My parents are understandably protective, and because of this whenever Reggie and I hung out, it was only really acceptable if the reason was due to volunteering. As time went on, however, and my parents slowly became accustomed to the fact of me having a boyfriend, we were allowed to do more "boyfriend and girlfriend things" like go and get lunch, do cute fall dates, see movies, etc etc. He was my first high school kiss, my first date to a dance, my first date, my first couple Halloween costume partner, the list goes on and on.
The 2/3 weeks prior to us breaking up were the roughest weeks of my life, at least up until this point and that I can remember. For us, semester 1 of junior year had just ended so there was a linger of stress from finals, and then the next two weeks that followed are what I called the "transitional period," from first semester into the more difficult second semester of the school year. This was the excuse that I came up with in my head as to why things were a bit rocky; it made sense to me then and it still makes sense to me now. I blamed the "tense mood" on the fact that we hadn't had a good hangout/ date for those 2 weeks because of said stress/ transitional period, which added to us being busy with school ( which was put first before the relationship, and I would suggest this ). The thought and prospects of us hanging out coming weeks and for mid-winter break is what kept me going and what made me excited and confident that the "mood" we were going through would soon be over. Reggie had a different take on the situation.
Basically, when we broke up he told me that it "had stopped being fun" for him. First reaction: What the hell does that even mean? Current reaction: That just sounds like BS now. The breakup itself was incredibly civilized, a little bit too serious on his end ( I was smiling and trying to keep it friendly and light, but he said that it was a serious conversation ), and quiet and composed. In all honestly I'm surprised I didn't cry during it, but believe you me I bawled as soon I turned the corner.
Advice for during the breakup: I highly recommend that you try your damn best to keep it all together and make sure that you're thinking clearly and not out of emotion. IT IS NOT BAD TO BE EMOTIONAL AT ALL, YOU HAVE ALL RIGHTS TO BE SAD (I'll talk about that more later), BUT while the breakup is happening I really suggest that you try to think logically and unemotionally. This, at least for me, will help you keep your mind clear and you'll be able to ask all your questions/ make calm responses. If you've got all your questions asked, and responses answered, then you won't have to keep going back to the person and asking additional stuff later on, when the time has passed, when you could be using that time to wallow/ advance your life forward.
🔑 Getting your closure is so important and I'm 98% positive it will help you sleep better at night 🔑
At the end of the breakup, he made it clear that he still wanted to be friends, and I sure as hell reciprocated ( but not too eagerly because ya gotta keep ya cool ;) Then, before we departed, I said thank you. I said thank you for all the time we spent together, thank you for giving me so much happiness and love and treating me so well and understanding me and being there for me, thank you for waking up with me at 6 in the morning to get Panera and look at sunrises, thank you for volunteering and never complaining about it, thank you for fighting with me over who pays for dinner and thank you for being my best friend.
^^ the thank you was definitely more for me than for him. This was the final closure that I gave myself from the conversation with him. If you ever get the chance to tell someone how much they mean to you, do it! Even if it's under the circumstances of breaking up, let them know ( as long as it's appropriate and you're comfortable ).
Now, the day of the breakup, I was taking my friend home after she finished her math tutoring, so I was lucky enough to have someone immediately right there with me as soon as the event had happened. I kid you not, IMMEDIATELY as I turned around and we started walking to my car, I was bawling. It was the quiet kind of sobbing that gets you in the gut, but it still shook my whole body. Sierra, bless her heart, just held me and hugged me and then got me to start walking to my car with a simple "come on, let's go."
During the whole car ride, I cried, when we got to her house, I cried, but Sierra knew that all she had to do was listen and just simply be.
Now, the timing of everything definitely worked out to my advantage. The weather on the day of our breakup was absolutely gorgeous ( though I wasn't paying any attention to it at the time ), and all the days after the breakup were just as amazing ( I'll revisit this later too ), which is odd because it's February and February is meant to be cold, at least where I live.
I had partially composed myself for the 3 minute drive from her house to mine, but as soon as I walked through the door to my house, I was met by my stepdad with open arms and a "oh, come here" and then I started up bawling again. My mother came into the room and we all just stood there, hugging, me crying, and them just simply being.
The reason why I was so shaken up was because I wanted to make things work and I was completely confident that if we had just hung out out and done something that weekend then we would get back into our regular groove and we would've worked through it and moved past it. I kinda think this is naive now, but I am also almost certain that we would've been able to work on it.
To continue going in chronological order, that night ( Thursday ) I didn't do any of my homework, which wasn't the biggest deal in the world because I finished most of it at school anyways. Instead, I went out with my mom and saw the movie Split. This is important because 1- I don't do scary movies, and from the trailers I had seen, split looked scary, and 2- I have never before seen a movie in a movie theatre on a school night, because in my house school nights are strictly for going to the gym- if there is time-, doing homework, and eating dinner.
ADVICE 1- Do things for yourself! If you need a mental break moment/ day, take it!! If I had just done my homework, had dinner, and gone to bed, I would have been so much more sad and anxious and just bleh. I am fortunate enough to have my parents, who are an amazing support system, and during this time of sadness for me, I think it was imperative and highly beneficial to just get out of my house, with someone who knew what was happening/ I didn't have to explain anything to, and just simply be.
ADVICE 1.5- "Scary movies" are a good distraction, and a good distraction is needed during the times of a breakup.