This last month has been tough. Should be the happiest times of my life but I like to self sabotage like it is my job. My boyfriend who I absolutely adore and is the best person to ever enter my life, is getting my engagement ring custom made and is going to propose soon. This brought up a lot of my own internal things and self sabotage tendencies, specifics I'm not going to get into. My anxiety and depression has been at an all time high, I'm having so much trouble pulling myself out of it. It's like I cannot just sit back and allow myself to be happy, I worry about every little thing going wrong, if he's going to change his mind, yadda yadda the list goes on. He has reassured me soooo many times that he wants to spend his life with me, etc. I just cannot get out of this funk. I am going to go back to my therapist this week so that's taken care of. I love him so so so much and know that he is the person I want to spend my life with, I am feeling so guilty because I cannot give him 100% happiness when I have so much history of let down and sadness, which he understands completely. I just don't feel like I deserve him, I feel like he deserves better, someone who does not have these issues.  I feel like right now I am having so much trouble staying afloat. Again, he is aware of all of this, I've been nothing but honest with him about my feelings.