I feel like such a piece of a shit but lately I've just been feeling like I really hate being a mother. I was trying so hard to avoid becoming pregnant and somehow I still did. I didn't have the heart to have an abortion and I spoke with my fiancé about adoption but he wouldn't have it. Now I have a 7 week old baby and I cry everyday. I cry more than she does. I dream about running away all the time. I still think about giving her up for adoption even now after 7 weeks. And what makes it harder is that I really do love her soo much but I feel like she just deserves a better mom. I never had a relationship with my own mom so I keep thinking it's gonna be the same with her and I can't imagine a world where she'll say she hates me or wishes I wasn't her mom but not having my mom myself I don't know anything about being a mom. I just feel so shitty all the time. I feel like such a failure. Maybe it's my fear and anxiety that's making me this way but I just wish none of this was happening. I wish I wasn't a mother because I just keep thinking I'm gonna end up hurting her like my mom hurt me and that's my biggest fear. I've tried talking about this with my fiancé but he just gets mad at me for thinking this way and I really have no one else to turn to. Is this what postpartum depression feels like? Because I've never been so depressed in my life. 😣😞😢💔