Medication (Assault Trigger Warning)
So, I'm currently in the process of pressing charges against my own father for sexually abusing me my entire childhood. For 20 years I've repressed all of this choosing to pretend it wasn't/didn't happen instead of acknowledging it. Now that I'm going through everything I'm a mess. I have nightmares about being raped or chased through the dark by an unknown person but all I can feel is this raw fear and knowing I have to run or something bad will happen. During the day I'm getting irritable and edgy when people are too close to me or touching. Random things bring up new memories, like the other day I was doing laundry and had a flashback to being 5 years old and molested in the laundry room, leading to me being a sobbing mess on the floor. I've lost 90lbs because I can't eat and I'm throwing up from stress. The police officers who took my statement had to leave the room several times in tears, the abuse was that bad.
I'm on a waiting list to see a psychiatrist but it's 7 weeks out. In the meantime my GP has me on Zoloft twice a day, Klonopin up to 3x a day as needed, and Valium 3x a day as needed. This combination is making my evenings a blackout though, I can't remember anything past shortly after taking them until I wake up in the morning. On the positive side I'm not dreaming or if I am I'm not remembering the dreams but I am concerned about not being aware of my actions for hours before I go to bed at night. Should I accept the blackouts until I can see a psychiatrist or should I speak to my doctor about taking less? But less might bring everything back again. I don't know what to do but I know it's only going to get worse going forward in pressing charges but I have a responsibility to protect future potential victims.
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