I'm terrified I'll never have another child. My DS is 7 months old and I had a horrendous birth and labour with him due to a anesthetist's awful attitude and decision making, (I had an epidural which I reacted too causing me too pass out whilst being prepped for a forcep delivery, they tilted the bed backwards which meant my head was lower than my hips so the epidural drained to my neck which paralysed my whole body. I couldn't breath as my chest muscles wouldn't work and I was gasping for breath whilst being stitched up as when they gave me a episiotomy they caught a vein and I was bleeding pretty badly ((bucket under bed to catch all the blood)) and begging them to help me to which the anesthetist told me "your talking so you can breath" and he left. I was layed that way for an hour begging for help which no one did, I was in recovery on 100% oxygen for 3 hours and then wheeled onto a ward where my baby was put in a crib too far away from the bed that I couldn't get too him as my whole body was numb. It was night time so my partner had to leave and that's where I stayed till 8am where a new nurse came on shift and helped me move to a chair as I had feeling back, I wasn't the first to dress my baby, hold him, change his nappy or feed him because of being numb 😩) I'm scared that I'll never have another child as I can't seem to move on from what happened. Me and my son are happy and healthy now but I suffered quite badly physically and mentally for a while which just seems to be staying with me. Most nights I can't sleep as I go over the details in my mind constantly. I know it's still early and the bad memories fade but right now it feels like it was yesterday and whenever the mention of another child comes up my first and only answer is no. My partner would love another child eventually and is worried that it will never happen. Sorry if none of this makes sense I just don't have anyone to talk too as whenever I try to talk to anyone about it I get told that it will pass and I'll get over it 😞