My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. Prior to dating me, he considered the possibility that he was asexual -- he had never been interested in sex with any girl and upon losing his virginity to a friend, to feel the experience, he concluded that it was nothing special and didn't need it. When he met me, that all changed.

He ended up loving sex and finding this extremely sexual side about him that he didn't realize was there, but found that he had some problems downstairs. One being that he had a hard time raising up and hardening (this problem occurred when we first started dating, but it has since disappeared. This one, he thinks was a mind/nervousness thing). Two being that sometimes during sex, he would lose the hardness (even now) and as a result, he has a hard time finishing.

The second, and more overbearing problem, is not a matter of uncomfortablility. We're extremely comfortable with one another, we practically live together. He tells me it's not a psychological thing, that his thoughts don't consume his mind and that he's not worried about not pleasing me (because he REALLY knows how to pleasure me). But sometimes his manhood just refuses to cooperate.

Mind you, he is only 21. I know these problems can be onset with age but he is young. He falls into a realm of self pity when we have to stop having sex after a really long time because he doesn't think he'll finish since his penis refuses to listen to him. He repeats "it's chemical" and he knows there's a physical problem present.

The reason I need help is because I don't know what I can do. He knows I love him, unconditionally. This problem of his is not a problem to me or for me. In fact, I could go without having sex for the rest of my life if that's what he wanted (and from a highly sexual person, that's saying a lot). As much as I try to console him and tell him I love him and that it's ok, his response usually falls somewhere along the lines of "yeah but every other girl would mind it" or "but by the general public, I'm dysfunctional". 

He cares about societal standards more than he cares about my opinion of him and his package.

I don't know what I can say to make this better or easier for him. He lets his insecurities, his man-pride, and his knowledge of what society deems "a better penis" rule his mind. But it really hurts me to see that after most times that we have sex, he just sits and sulks because he feels inadequate. Especially when he's perfectly adequate for me and this would never negatively affect my love for him.