Tomorrow morning is my 2nd <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a>. We already know I didn't respond as well as my Dr hoped, but there's a mature follicle, and I'm fortunate to have insurance that will pay, so we're trying. I've told my husband how "this cycle probably won't work." And I've shared that sentiment with the very few people who know about my journey. And I've tried really REALLY hard to convince myself that it's just not likely to work. And logically, I know all of that. But my heart wants to hear "yes." And so tonight I have learned the difficult lesson that <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> #2 is so much harder than #1. Because now I know what it feels like to fail. I know how I'll spend then next two weeks in the mind f*ck that is the TWW. My body will mimic all of the early signs of pregnancy. I'll know that it's just the progesterone supplements. But that small hopeful part of me will cling to the possibility. And that stupid small hopeful part will make me wonder and think "maybe?" And if after two weeks it's a "no" I'll tell myself it's no big deal, that I knew this cycle wasn't going to work, but that stupidly hopeful part of me will scream and cry and yell how it's just not fair.  I knew this journey would be hard. Canceled cycle after canceled cycle for MONTHS was hard. But this is a special kind of torture. I never realized how powerful (and painful) hope could be.