I went for my early scan yesterday because my last pregnancy was ectopic (surgery at 6 +4 and right tube removed last August). I knew what I was going to hear because I was having sharp pains to my left side and spotting that had turned into heavy bleeding. Sure enough, 'I'm sorry but I have found another ectopic'...absolutely devastated. As I only have one tube they did bloods to see if surgery could be avoided, my levels are 927 so I was sent home to come back in 48 hours for more bloods.

It took us 7 months after my surgery to conceive again, we were both elated...2 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, surely this is the baby we finally get to hold in our arms? Hearing the reality was like getting hit by a 40 tonne truck. Who did i kill in a previous life...why so much heartache?

Now I am home and I don't even know where to start grieving this time. Surgery was horrendous and my body still hasn't fully recovered but this seems like a mental torture. I have to hope and pray that the baby I longed so much for slowly slips away ...how is that fair!