I was raised in a Christian household and attended church regularly. I still do and I'm very proud of it and I enjoy the relationship and stability that comes from my faith in God. My religion was very strict on virginity, claiming that a woman's first time should be on her wedding night and anywhere outside of that is sin and "giving yourself to another man". I was also told that if I were to have sex, even premarital sex after an engagement, it would make me "dirty" and "damaged" and that my future husband wouldn't love me as much as he should because of it. To make matters worse, the church slapped a purity ring on my finger at 13 because that's when I was considered "sexually mature" in the eyes of God. I was told that I was to remain a virgin until my wedding night as it was a "gift" for my husband. And it was funny because they only held the girls to this standard. For years and years, I smiled and wore my purity ring and knew that the first time I had sex would be ten or fifteen years from then when I would get married. I regretably even looked down on other girls in my school who were either pregnant or openly talked about how they had sex with _____ over the weekend. When I was in high school, I often found myself daydreaming about sex and I would feel DISGUSTING afterwards. What the church failed to tell me was that I, as a blossoming girl, would have hormones and natural urges and that it was okay and normal to think those things. It ruined me. It ruined me to the point where I felt like I didn't belong in church and when I did do, I would hang my head in shame. I felt guilty and I was terrified that I had already ruined a marriage that I didn't even have yet because of my impure thoughts. Now, as a 20-something who lost her precious "virginity" to her current boyfriend whom she lives with, I still have moments where I break down and cry because even now the "guilt" still overwhelms me. I love this man. He loves me. That's all that should matter. You can judge me all you want, but I'll ultimately answer to God one day, and whether or not I was wrong is between Him and I.