Gastroschisis baby and had abortion.

I recently went in and found out my baby had gastroschisis which is the intestines growing outside the body and the second time I went to check her heart was not doing well. I make a decision because of cost and lack of support to terminate at 16 weeks because of the babies problems and underdevelopment also my inefficient funds to care and have a baby with these problems. 
Now I'm having regrets and horrible feelings. I feel like death and I want to die myself so I can be with her. I have no clue how to deal with this loss and considering it was my choice, now I'm completely blaming myself. I already feel horrible and have spent the last few days crying in bed not being able to get up or smile. Is anyone going through anything similar. I don't know how to pick myself up.