the gym is ruining my marriage?!

Question

So here's the thing my husband is very into lifting weights. And for the record, I lift weights also. But lately my husband and I have been arguing over how much time he is spending at the gym... just to give you guys an idea- 
he got assigned to an overseas business trip for six months, and only had five days to pack up and leave. During the last few days we had together he decided that he wanted to take time and go to the gym, as you can imagine this enraged me.  I felt as though he would rather spend time at the gym then our last few moments together. It has been a common theme in our marriage.  And even though I poured my heart out to him cried and asked him to just stay with me for those last few days he still decided to go to the gym.

And if that's not bad enough during his last day here I told him-    "I can forgive you for going to the gym instead of spending time with me but the moment that you are overseas and you rush me off the phone so you can go to the gym we're gonna have some serious problems"

Can you guess what he did?

Now let me just say that I give him plenty of freedom and we have a very healthy social lives . It's not the fact that he goes to the gym that bothers me is the time that he's taking away from me and the idea that he could not care less about what is really bothering me.

I guess I just want to know if there's anybody else who is going through this is this normal? or am I just being too needy?does he really have an addiction? is this something that's going to change & how can I help him change it?

Other than that the climate of our marriage is OK but there are plenty of times where I've asked him over and over and over again to do something with me, for me, or for US and he claims that he doesn't have time but he takes two hours out of his day six days a week to go to the gym his priorities are completely jacked up

Answer

The gym isn't the problem. Your husband and his choices are the problem. Anything making you so unhappy should be of major concern to him and he should take action to rectify the problem.

Answer

We have now a gym in our basement. We have 3 kids. If my husband was running off to the gym 2+ hours a day I'd be pissed. BUT when the kids go down to bed at night, ill clean up around the house, get ready for tomorrow, and watch one of my shows and he goes downstairs for 60-90 mins and gets his work out in. It's healthy and good. He makes sure he has time for us. He makes us and the kids priority. However, he gets time to himself too. Totally fair

Answer

People think because exercise is "good for you" it can't be an addiction but it definitely can be. Too much of ANYTHING isn't good. Especially that obsessive. There could be some type of body dysmorphic disorder or sometimes it can be tied to an eating disorder as well. Maybe try talking to him to make sure this isn't the case?

Answer

Sorry you are going through this. Is he actually going to the gym?

Answer

Same issue here. My husband works 12 hour days and then goes straight to the gym after work. By the time he gets home, I maybe get an hour with him before he crashes and does it again the next day. Problem is, we have a baby on the way, and that will NOT fly... I've talked to him about joining the YMCA so that we can go to the gym as a family, but his workout buddies go to the gym he's currently at, so he doesn't want to give that up. It's really frustrating. I understand he needs his own time, especially after work, to decompress; but when he's there for 2 hours every day, i feel stifled, and worry about adding a baby into the mix. We've talked about getting some equipment for him to work out with at home, and going to the gym in town maybe 3 days a week and supplementing with home workouts the other days of the week. Bottom line, partners need to make sacrifices and compromise, so I definitely don't think you are being out of line here!

Answer

Does he look for reasons not to be around you? Using the gym as 1?

Answer

My man is training to become a professional boxer so I completely understand this! He spends on average four hours at the gym everyday seven days a week sometimes even longer. This left me home alone a lot, and I was struggling at first. I complained....all the damn time. So he recently asked me to be his manager & got me a membership at his gym so that we could spend more time together 😩😍 I'm no where near as athletic as him, but as a compromise i go and do my lil workout and watch him. Long story short, if you show interest in what your husband loves to do once in a while maybe he'll feel more inclined to compromise with you on doing things that you enjoy & spending time together.

Answer

Working out is very addicting. Once you start seeing results you can't resist pushing yourself and constantly thinking about lifting. So what I'm saying is he is addicted to the results he's getting. He probably can't help but feel the need to work out.

Answer

This sounds like an addiction. I say that because it sounds like he has an irrational need to go that he can't seem to control. Has he expressed to you that he doesn't want to go so often or that he can't resist the impulse? Definitely sounds like an addiction. If it's getting in the way of your relationship, he needs to work on this.

Answer

When I first got with my husband, I thought he was crazy for going to the gym 5 times a day, but when we talked it out, it turns out that he was so used to doing it before we got together that it was just a routine. Don't get me wrong if your SO goes everyday meaning Saturday and Sunday too, then yea that's a bit excessive. But I'm 5 months pregnant and he goes Monday thru Friday and I'm okay with it. I know where he is at and I know the hours he puts in the gym so I'm content. I guess it's just a compromise y'all will have to make. My so is actually in Korea at the moment so as you can imagine the hours are so off we barely get time to talk but it's all gonna be okay in the end. I wish you the best too! I don't mind the gym cause I get to look at the sexy body he has! Lol good luck 😊😊

the gym is ruining my marriage?!

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