Depressed 9 months postpartum!

I just had my first baby at 35 and she is 9 months now. I have wanted a baby for so many years and thought I couldn't have any. I am so grateful she is here and wouldn't trade her for the world..... however, all of a sudden I feel overwhelmed, ugly, angry, sad, and I feel like I need 24 more hours in the day to get things done. Today is a bad day. I've just been letting my LO cry for a long time pretending I don't hear her. I finally came in to her room. Her face was covered with tears and snot. she had her arms stretched for me to pick her up, and as soon as I did she smiled and giggled and I just burst into tears!!! I just feel like I'm not being the mom I thought I would be and that hurts my soul I can't shake these feelings