Boyfriend stays home sometimes?

Question

I'm 18 and been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We now have a baby who's 8 weeks old. We don't live together yet but plan to by the end of the year. He's here most of the time, but there's days where he doesn't come over and stays at home (we live in different areas). Every week theres a day or two where he doesnt come. First he used to make up loads of excuses why he couldn't come, then when I said I was going to leave because I think he's cheating he told me it's because he likes a 'break'. Which really pissed me off because how can you want a break from your girlfriend and new baby? I don't get a break and he's the parent too. How can he want a break sometimes but he says he wants to hurry and get our own place. He says he's just at home by himself 'chilling', he says he's not cheating or hanging with friends. Last week i told him its over because i think theres more to it and he swore he would come every day from now on but today he stayed home again. He just cant see whats wrong with it. he says there's nothing wrong with staying home some times. I think there is something wrong with it seeing as we now have a baby and we are meant to be a family. I might sound stupid but i just don't see other families where the guy stays home or goes and stays out all day and night to have a 'break' from their girlfriends and children? It doesnt make sense to me. Am I wrong for expecting him to be here with us every single day? He says I'm overreacting for saying it's over because he's not here all of the time, is he right? I don't want to to be over so I need to know if I need to be a little bit easier on him and stop going so mad every time he stays home?

Answer

Sure that is not right. When you become a parent you are a full time one, not just when you want. It will be to easy. So he needs to understand that and he will shortly when you are going to move in together. But in another note, I don't think you should "try" to break with him every time he's not coming. You are adults now and even more parents together, you need to communicate properly and not just threatened him to be listened to, that's not right either...

Answer

You don't live together. His life and stuff are where he lives. He's allowed to go home. If his stuff where with you and you lived together, than he wouldn't be going home.

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years. We have 3 kids. When the kids go to sleep at night, my husband goes into the basement for 60-90 mins and works out. He needs that time to unwind. I work out, watch my own show, paint my toenails, or etc ready for tomorrow. Then we join up and spend time together. I see no issue with us each getting a little time for ourselves. In fact I find it healthy. If his stuff was in your house with your stuff, this would be different. You want him to live with you, then get a place together

Answer

Honestly I think jumping to the cheating conclusion is a little crazy and jealous-sounding, if you don't have other concrete reasons to believe that specifically is what's going on. But if he wants to be with you and be an equal parent, he shouldn't be "taking time off" for himself (especially on the regular - several nights a week??) unless he's offering to take your child and give you the same opportunity to get a "break" for yourself sometimes, too.

Answer

I don't see anything wrong with it either .you guys don't live together and where he lives is his home for now and sometimes you just wanna be home. And why can't he hangout with his friends?why can't you have a brake and hangout with your friends ?you guys don't live together most ppl "families who have kids live together that's why they see eachother every day.when you guys live together is he not going to have any friends what about you ?you both need to your time to hangout with your friends without eachother. I'd say he's doing pretty damn good for being 18 years old. And you to you seem to have a good head of  your shoulders I'd just relax alittle bit we all need our space sometimes .don't you have a family member that can give you a brake ? We own our home and have a now 6 yearold and my SO goes out atleast once a week gmhe goes down to his friends house after work for the evening he's not doing anything wrong he's still taking care of his family but he deserves to have friends to same with me.

Answer

It's okay if he needs a break, and it's healthy if he takes them and spends time with himself! ... But only if YOU get the same fair treatment and amount of time. 
Explain to him that if he wants to go home for a day, he can! But he has to take his child with him. Because momma needs a break too.

If you're already experiencing these type of problems together and are having trouble communicating and listening to each other (or, in this case, him listening to you and your needs), I highly suggest that the two of you begin attending couples' counseling/therapy together. Seriously.

Answer

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. My husband and I live together and he needs a break at times and so do I. He works 60+ hours a week, does lawn care during the summer on top of his full time job and takes care of all the bills and money coming in. When he tells me he'd like some time for his self, I want him to take it. He'll go play 18 holes on the golf course and come back happy. You can't expect him to be up your butt 24/7. I think you need time for yourself too, go get a pedicure, lunch with a friend or just go for a walk. Just because he's not there EVERY day doesn't make him a "part time dad" you guys need to sit down and have a talk, no fighting, discuss your feelings and make changes if your not happy.

Answer

I agree with some of the other comments on here. I don't see anything wrong with it. Don't jump to conclusions like he's cheating just because he needs a break every now and again. BUT I definitely thing he should be offering to watch the baby so you can get a break every now and again too. Becoming a parent is a lot of responsibility and it does sound like you both are doing fairly well with the adjustment. And remember he still said he wants to move in together. I think if he were cheating he would be making excuses not to move in together because that would restrict his privacy. You also don't want to jump to conclusions and just up and leave him. You have a child to think about now and I definitely think children are better off when their parents are together as long as it's a healthy relationship. Sit down and make a plan for what days each of you will watch the baby so the other can have a break. Spending some time with friends is healthy and will help recharge both of your batteries (or use your break to rest!) Good luck!!

Answer

.... everyone needs a break sometimes... I'm sure he doesn't do f all all day does he work school ? You said he lives in a different area take into count that he has to travel. He wants to move it with you two great news! If you need a break too which were all allowed to ask him to watch your baby one day while you go see a friend but don't get all crazy. Trust your instincts deff but don't jump to conclusion and remember everyone is different

Answer

He's in the wrong. He's a dad now. Things change. He needs to be a full time dad, not a part time dad. There's nothing wrong if he wants a little break now and then, but you should have one to. And like I said he can't be doing it all the time like he is. Just sounds like he's not ready to grow up.

Answer

My husband and I had our baby when he was 19 and I couldn't get him to stay away even if I wanted him to. If he's serious he'd stay. Even if we for I to major fights and I wanted him to leave he wouldn't. Love him to pieces

Boyfriend stays home sometimes?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey