has your husband ever lied to you ? how do you cope and deal with it?

Question

Im talking about a big lie. For example: lying about watching porn, 
Or lying that he was at this place when he really wasn't or lying about who he really was with.... etc. 
how do you cope with it? How do you go about your days with him after he lied ? 
My husband lied to me and took one of his woman employees out to dinner. Called me to tell me that "he had not finished going over things with her and he needed to go over the whole te cap so he was taking her to dinner" between convos I found out he lied... she asked him if he wanted to catch dinner and he said yes. 
We were trying to save money at the time so I was like wth ? Aren't we trying to save money ? And he said work would be covering it... in beteeen convos of other shit i figured that was also part of the same lie... 
he says he hasn't and would never cheat on me... but why lie ? Why lie to me just to say yes to this bitch employee who asked you if you wanted to grab dinner with her? I know you wanna "build good relationships with workers" but I feel like that's stepping out of line and still gives me an off taste. We never talked about it, i just blew up... told him off and that was done. He never brought it up again, nor wanted to talk about it. How would you react to this ? How do you go about your days trying to trust someone that's lied to you ? Do you distance yourself from them a little so they know it's not okay? He has been really loss ass since these past few days telling me how much he LLLOOOVVES me and how I'm the world to him and how we should run away and go somewhere where it's just him and I 🙄🙄😏😒😒 and I'm just thinking like sure asshole you're probably trying to run away so that I don't find something out lol

Answer

Ok, at first I thought something was a bit off but after you telling us all of those excuses he's been making, sounds like he's guilty because maybe he cheated. I'm so sorry, but usually you don't normally say "We should run away" just to prove nothing happened between the two of them.

Answer

Going out to dinner with her is a huge crossing of a line. I wouldn't accept that excuse of him wanting to build good relationships with his co-workers. I could understand going to get drinks or something after work with a GROUP of co-workers including that woman. But there is absolutely no reason why he should be going out to dinner with just her, especially if you two are trying to save extra money. I would try to talk to him about it. Because the fact that you two fought about it and it hasn't been brought back up will leave you with an uneasy feeling and a lack of trust.

Answer

Yes,  my boyfriend was in dating sites to "just talk" to women.  We were long distance at the time.  Since I found out and w talked,  he hasn't done anytging innapropriate again. Some people can be redeemed,  others can't.

Answer

He basically went on a date behind your back. That would be grounds for divorce. If it was really work related he would have told you.

Answer

I hate leaving my opinion on these bc God knows I could be way off and I don't want to rock the boat or upset you ..  personally something sounds off.  It sounds a bit off . I'd be a little concerned and definitely keep alert .. I hope you figure this all out 💖

Answer

If my husband lied to me, and I was furious,  I honestly wouldn't talk to him until I felt ready to do so. Mainly because I would have to sort through my own emotions before I can hear his reasonings. Him telling me loved me wouldn't be enough for me when he's taking other bitches out to dinner. I'd feel "love me enough to not lie." Otherwise, telling me he loves me is a smack in the face because you don't hurt nor betray people you love and care for. He'd have to make it right with me, but I'd also help him with those things. Like telling me the truth about WHY HE LIED TO ME about taking another woman out to dinner. I would not talk to him and he would have the cold shoulder simply because that's how I am and if I don't respect people, I don't want them in my space. Especially trying to touch me or tell more lies. And whatever he told me couldn't be some bull shit ass answer that he just throws at me to just make things easy for him. . . He's the one that broke the trust, it is up to him to work to restore it. Not you. And until he was able to do so, by being HONEST, I'm not sure I'd want much to do with him.

Answer

I think if it were work related, that would be one thing, but if it were he would not have lied. I think he lied because he knew he was out of line by accepting her dinner invitation. Why would he accept her dinner invitation knowing he would have to lie to you about it? In my opinion my bullshit alarms would be going off too. I have a rule that when people's words and actions are not lining up, it is reason to believe they are not worthy of my trust. When someone is not worthy of my trust, that is the beginning of the end of my relationship with that person. That's just my personal opinion.

Answer

Once someone lies regardless of how small it is, for me, the trust is gone. The onus is really on them to prove that they are trustworthy. Sure he may have explanations to why he lied: maybe he was embarrassed to admit he watches porn, maybe he was scared to tell you he went to dinner with a woman incase you overreacted and jumped to conclusions and the lie was easier or maybe he really is cheating and the lie was necessary. Regardless, he broke your trust and took the relationship back a step. I wouldn't hold this over his head forever but definitely communicate to him the gravity of the situation and be absolutely clear to him that lying however small or insignificant it may seem to him is a deal breaker and not acceptable to you. Also explain that he will have to put in some extra work to gain your trust back whether this is giving you access to his phone for a while, calling you when he's out, or whatever you think suitable that would help you learn to trust him. Some people genuinely don't think lying is a big deal, people lie all the time to some extent I understand the reasoning behind the lie, if they are trying to protect a vunerability they have but for me it's just inexcusable.  I've had this in the past with friends and boyfriends and I was sure to let them know that if they do it a second time it's over. Good luck! Hope he learns the lesson here and doesn't lose you over this!

Answer

Not sure if you're the same one that posted about this not long ago. If so, are you guys still seeing a therapist? I lied to my SO about little, stupid shit but it made him question the bigger stuff as well. We are rebuilding our foundation of trust by individual therapy and eventually couples therapy. I regret lying about the tiny stuff and I try to make up for it as much as I can. If he's trying, take in his effort. But still talk to a third party. You should always trust your intuition but also make sure you have evidence to support it and it's not just anxiety/your head.

has your husband ever lied to you ? how do you cope and deal with it?

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