Faith after miscarriages? (Long)

Question

I had a miscarriage in October. I was 6 weeks, after one cycle I was pregnant again with my rainbow. I was nervous but I hit my second trimester and all was going well. I lost my baby at 14w6d. I have incompetent cervix and apparently isn't known "until it is to late" this happened Friday March 31st. I feel broken, sad, mad, anxious, lost... I plan on not trying until 6 months to a year from now... but my family keeps saying to me "God knows/knew what he was doing" "it's all in God's hands" or things of that nature. I was raised Catholic, I have always prayed. That day at the hospital I prayed and prayed that my baby would make it that my baby would be okay. I prayed my whole pregnancy for my rainbow baby to stick.... and now look... now it almost frustrates me to hear people say these things... I just don't know how God would do this to me or how any God would do this to anyone and if my baby was completely healthy and still had a heartbeat why this was my outcome and is for many women... so I guess what I'm asking is, did anyone struggle with their faith after situations like this? Or does anyone not believe in God and have went through this what are your thoughts? Or anyone really... I've had a rough couple of days and I cry all the time. And if the bleeding and pain wasn't enough if a reminder, I began lactating. Life is hard right now

Answer

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've also had 2 miscarriages. My first was a missed mc and we found out at 16 weeks. Second was an early mc about 6 weeks. I remember feeling so hopeless like I'd never have a baby. They were some dark times. In my case, my faith is what got me through. I knew God wasn't doing this to hurt me. I still don't know the reason for my losses, but a Bible verse that helped me was Jeremiah 29:11 which talks about God's plans "to prosper you and not to harm you; to give you hope and a future." It took me some time, but I had to consider the fact that maybe a baby wasn't in God's plan for me, but even if that were so, I would be okay because He knows what's best. I am happy to report that my 10 week old daughter is sleeping next to me as I type this. While I do still grieve my angel babies, if I hadn't lost them, I wouldn't have my daughter. And I can't imagine having any other baby but her. For now, it's okay to feel however you feel. Tell God exactly how you feel. He can handle it. Do anything but turn away from Him because I promise (and He promised) He has something great planned for you. I'm so sorry for your losses. Big hugs!!  💗💗

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I lost my son at 23 weeks last year and I still struggle with my faith from time to time. I don't understand why things like this happen. It has caused me to become bitter and angry, but I did learn that it's ok to be angry. As another woman stated, he can take it. I try not to stay in my "dark place" for long though. God never promised that bad things would never happen, but he won't leave us when they do. We should find comfort. These are all things I know, yet I too don't want to hear it being told to me or it makes me angry when I hear it....even though I know it's all true. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. I just want you to know you're not alone. This is a shitty roller coaster of emotions and memories that we all have had to and still are dealing with. I pray that you find peace and healing and that one day, just as I hope for myself, you are blessed in abundance for surviving your "storm"

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I am sorry for your loss. I lost my baby at 12 weeks in March. Like you I prayed and thank God everyday for sending my that blessing. Also like you, I prayed throughout my miscarriage. I got to a point in the middle of bleeding and cramping and having contractions that I just put myself in His hands. What else could I do? I cried and had a difficult time coping for abit but I jusy kept praying. I asked myself why God would take my blessing . And I reflected on my life. HE has never taken something away without blessing me with something better. Although it was hard to accept that it is all in His plan..reflect on other hard times. I still cry and still hurt but I pray for strength to accept and move on. I cannot change the past so I have to accept it. Last night on the radio I heard someone say that God hears our pleas and sess our tears and knows what is in our hearts. I began crying because I felt like it was a message to me. He is reminding me to trust in him for He will not, has not, and will never foresake me. Give youself time but dont step away from Him. Hope and faith is the only thing thay can keep us going. I am really aorry for what you are going through. As you can see, you are not alone. We are here to support each other.

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I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a MC at 6 weeks, and it honestly was the worst day of my life. I was devastated, and I was angry. Every time a family member would tell me it was meant to be, or God's timing was perfect, I would get pissed. How could God let this happen to me when I had prayed for my baby since before I was even pregnant? But, for me, I saw God in my darkest times. My worst moments were not my husband's worst, and he held me up when he needed to. And my husband's worst moments, I was able to be strong. I know that was God. Bad things happen to everyone, and good things happen to everyone, regardless of faith. I don't think God is ever happy to see us hurting, but I think he uses the bad things to bring out new good things, if that makes sense. I still believe God's timing is perfect, and He is preparing our child for our family, but I also am still grieving the loss of my first baby.

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Reading this was like reading something I would've posted last year after I gave birth to my son at 19 weeks.  Our stories are very similar and I completely understand how you feel.  Your family, especially the ones that haven't gone through what we've been through, will talk about God believing it helps and to be very honest it doesn't help until you have made peace with the situation.  Just like you I was praying constantly throughout my pregnancy, praying constantly when I waa in the hospital for 3 days and none if that praying helped a thing.  Its been almost 10 months since my son passed and I have been to church once since.  I have probably prayed all of 5 times and I haven't read a scripture.  I'm not at that point in my life where I can "understand the plans God has for me".  It is very difficult to deal with especially when you were raised in church. I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope you have better days and a beautiful rainbow when you are ready.

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I understand how you feel I lost my twins dec 23 2016 at 18weeks 5 days to incompetent cervix as well. I was mad with all kinds of thought going thru my mind but I knew deep down my babies would want me to move forward. I am so sorry for your loss I promise it does get better with time. Praying for you and your family

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He is now 18 months old (15 months) adjusted 27lbs and an absolute terror.  God said to me - well if she's this persistent and never gave up hope, I'm going to get her back and give her the strongest most stubborn baby ever.  Clinton Dexter is all my angels wrapped in 1 little boys soul.  I still have pain I still have anger and I'll always cry when I go visit their graves.  It breaks my heart that you're in so much pain.  Breaks my heart that you feel like there is no hope.  You have to trust me and believe that your chance will come.  Be strong be persistent and keep moving forward taking your angels hand and keeping it in your heart forever.  Look at your soul and know that it's not over and your rainbow is just a rain shower away.  Trust in yourself and trust in God - I know this BC my last pregnancy was the first time I actually prayed.  What else is there to do upside down in the boring hospital ???  As I type I'm 18 weeks to the day with my 15th pregnancy.  Struggling growing praying of course not to go through a repeat.  Ive had the cerclage put in at 12 weeks and im still terrified BC now is the time the cervix fails me.  But I'll stay strong and keep the faith.  I'm sending strength to you sending prayers and hope !!!  Hope that your pain will be less ..... We are here for you.  Email me anytime - jb8317@icloud.com I'm here 😘🙏🏼😢

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Hope that you'll get pregnant again hope that your stomach will grow and you'll get further now hope that one day your time with your rainbow will come.  You see I didn't tell you that I never gave up.  That's just not how I'm built and my 12th pregnancy I was at the same place that never allowed me to enjoy being pregnant.  That joy was taken at pregnancy # 2.  Thanksgiving 2015 and I was 20 weeks pregnant - the scariest part of my pregnancies due to my history and the cervix from hell.  Even with a cerclage it opened 2 weeks before thanksgiving.  Rushed to the hospital layed upside down a few weeks praying my water wouldn't break and praying we make it to 23 weeks at least BC then my son will have a chance.  I'm in the hospital watching the clock every minute every hour every second and then at 23 weeks i am now ruptured and start leaking fluid.  This time they do everything they can BC now my boys "viable".  To me and you our babies are viable once we see a positive pee test !!  Anyway - I beg them not to wait to 24 weeks to give me steroids and magnesium.  I want to get a jump on things BC after all I've been here in hospital already for 3 weeks. They agreed.

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On Thanksgiving day 24 weeks I find out I am empty no fluid for my son at all.  All I have is hope now - praying that I don't get an infection that will kill me or the boy.  I am now laying there thinking to myself with Ivs in my feet and oxygen mask on my face god why why me why my son why can't you please give me a break - I've done everything I can to save his life and yet I still feel powerless BC of you ?  Why God ?  I hate you God.  Yep I said it - I was terrified.  One week had passed now I'm 25 weeks and my son was in my belly without fluid for 10 whole days.  Infection severely set in and on dec 13th 2015 my son was born at 25 weeks and 1 day.  Weighing in at 1 lb 8ozs.  No it didn't end there but he was alive he was in critical condition and spent the next 98 days in the NICU.

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My heart and thoughts are completely with you and your hubby.  I know loss - I have 14 (not a typo) Angels right now.  The feelings of resentment pain agony yearning - even hate.  I know it all too well.  I really wish I had this app to help me through it.  I have it now and it's amazing !!  I know you're feeling like the world is at a halt and the pain is really raw but you have to continue to stay strong - for your angel.  For yourself and your sanity.  After all I've gone through and all I had to deal with (insensitive people offering me their uteruses) all I wanted to do was punch people and scream BC my pain is deep.  My soul was broken.  I even hated God - why would he allow me to get so far and then like a switch take my child my soul my heart ???  Why did he even bother letting me get pregnant ?  It was because after all because he knew me and I wouldn't quit !! Getting pregnant wasn't my problem it was staying pregnant.  By the 20th week - I'd loose my child including 3 sets of twins-conceived naturally.  But because I chose family and work over myself (STRESS) God said - she's not ready.  Did I agree ? Of course not - my faith tested once again as my pregnancies got later and later.  I'm sad for you because you will never get an answer as to why ? Why you ?  You'll wonder every day as you've been for the weeks and months torturing yourself as if you've done something wrong but you haven't.  Give yourself a break - grieve and remember but don't ever let anything take your HOPE.