frustrated
We been trying for just under a yr! Started clomid last month! I know clomid dosent always work on the first try! But i wasnt ovulating and finally after i started it i ovulated!!! I had a positive ovulation test! The app says my period is due tomorrow!! I took a test the last two days and it was negative. I been feeling werid but I hate getting my hopes up for them to be torn apart if my period comes. My body has had an extremely rough 4 yrs medically. I have had 2 major Brain surgerys to clip aneurysms! So i been exposed to alot of radation with many scans and angiograms. I was in a roll over car accident due to one of the aneurysms trying to rupture. I also got diagnosed with IBS. So its hard to know if the lower abdominal pain is that or cramps. I know my body has been through hell and back and i am lucky to be alive. I just want a baby. I get married May 20th of this year and that would be an amazing wedding present for not only me but also my fiancé! I have an 11yr old son from a previous relationship and my fiancé is an amzing father to him since his biological one is a dead beat. His father has 1 little girl and another girl on the way and thats all he cares about. He dont care about his first born my son. Bad enough his little girl was taken away by cps for 2 months and got her back and have another one due this year. His gf has had 2 other kids taken away by cps at the age of 18 cuz she was living on the streets and knows nothing about them. My son is asking for a sibling. I feel like I am failing as a mother, and partner and that my body is failing me!
Am I crazy to be thing this way? I feel alone and sometimes my mom don't understand why it upsets me. My fiancé is amazing and is so calm and telling me I will get my wish one day soon. But I feel like a failure as a women! Why does god give babies to people that dont deserve but its the people that do deserve that have issues. I am so overly frustrated! When should i teast next to see if i am?
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