A little back story-

My husband & I separated in June of last year. 

My friend pushed me to go on a date in July with this guy who was really sweet and just a good hearted guy and lets just be truthful, the best sex I had ever had. (That happened on the 3rd day of knowing him because I was depressed & confused and wanted to get laid, sorry yall lol) 

He was honest from jump and told me he was a newly recovered addict (rx pills - clean for about 3 months ) and that made me leary because I had dealt with my husbands drug issues for the first 3 years we were dating but I try not to judge and I was very upfront and told him it didn't bother me but if he started using again I was leaving because I wasn't riding that bull again. He assured me he had no interest because he had goals in life and drugs weren't worth losing all of that and I believed him. He had a really good job, made good money, he was just super irresponsible and that bothered me but also wasn't my business. By the time we had been seeing each other for TWO WEEKS he had managed to somehow move in with me where I was staying and I really wasn't ready for all that but he didn't have somewhere else to go, he was sleeping on a couch in his moms basement so out of sympathy, I let it go because we really did just get along scarily well! This man literally made DOUBLE what I made, paid less in bills a month than I did and was paid weekly so why was he borrowing money from me almost damn near every week? I assumed drugs. I found out he was taking subutext (a rx to get off herione or rx pills) and I assumed he had a rx but I found out later he did not and was buying them off the street at $20-$25 PER PILL and he was doing 1-1.5 a day. That adds up so quick. Thats where his money was going & it pissed me off that I was basically supporting his habit! Not only that, now, I can totally understand having a beer or two after work a couple times a week or every day if thats your thing, but a 6 pack or more everyday is a problem and when you pop a beer for breakfast on the weekends....c'mon. I expressed my feelings and he told me he had been on the subutext for a few months and was really ready to come off because he felt he didn't need them anymore, I agreed & supported him. 

A few days later I saw that he had this white powder on his nose (subs are white) and I waited a few hours and asked when the last time he did one was & yall.....he lied straight to my face...he said "A few days ago" I told him I knew he was full of shit and I told him he needed to leave because I had a 0 tolerance for a liar and that was drug addict behavior. He literally just swapped one drug for another and while one is supposed to help you get clean, when you are buying it on the street & snorting it, you aren't clean. Sorry. 

So, I somehow got talked into letting him stay and we just moved on and he stopped doing the subs in front of me and I just stopped caring because I had other shit to worry about. Fast forward to December. He got his own apartment & I went & stayed with him because I did care about him, we got along soo well & by November he had me 100% convinced he was off the subs and I had no reason to doubt him. Money was there, he got his own place, he was helping me with some financial shit, we were doing well! 

In March he had gone to go hang out with his friend, idc, you are a grown ass man, do you, and he'd be home by midnight. Idc, have a good time. He comes home & goes to sleep. His phone goes off. I don't usually snoop because I always give the benefit of the doubt but this girl who I am going to call Jessica* texted him and asked if he got home safe. I know this girl, we all went to school together. They ised to mess around and also get high together & they were "close friends" I didn't like that friendship, he knew it & told me he barely talked to her anymore because when she would call him it was always for money or a ride or something. So, I see this text and my insides start to BOIL. 16yo me comes out & I text her back & said "I did thanks, it was good to see you" trying to get some info and she says "It always good to see you!" And then a second text..."Our secret though." I said "Which part? Lol" and this idiot says "All of it. Getting high. Doing our thing. " alright.....cool. I start looking through pics and he has half naked pics of her, idc if they are new or old, they shouldn't be there. I was leaving. It was 1am and I was leaving. I didn't care. I would have slept in my car. He woke up, we argued, and he kept trying to tell me he didn't see her, he just talked to her on the phone and that she was talking about old shit which made 0 sense to me but me being in the situation I was, I stayed. I know I seem weak and like I allow this shit but yall, I genuinely had NO where to go at that point and so I was just waiting it out. I lost all interest and felt myself pulling away. We didn't have sex for a month, I kept distancing myself, not coming home until I knew he was asleep or it was late, being bitchy, he kept asking me to talk, telling me he loves me and not wanting to lose me and we need to fix this and I felt nothing. I didn't even want him to touch me. Everything he did annoyed the hell out of me! Fast forward to yesterday. 

He texted me and said "I am about to lose everything, I just got fired" ....yall he is union, that meant one thing...dirty piss test. 

Now, he told me he popped dirty for suboxone. Now, here are my issues. 

He had taken multiple tests throughout the current year and he was using and you mean that they JUST changed their tests? Doubtful.

You were using Subutext not Suboxone. Maybe they test the same, I really wouldn't know. 

Besides all that, you told me you weren't using at all. So, in my brain, you are back on drugs. Either way, subutext was the lesser of all evils in his brain. I felt no sympathy. Maybe this was the wakeup he needed. He said he still needed to go to class. He left for class and I packed all my shit up, left a note that said "I am sorry. I can't do this anymore. I do care but I have to care about me more & first, I have too much going on and I have to take care of my mental health & physical health. Please don't contact me or try to find me - Im sorry" 

I left my key and left. 

I don't feel bad for leaving or even the way I did. 

Should I? Idk.