I found myself taking the Percocet even when I was not in pain. I mean yeah, I was in pain but it wasn't anything the Motrin couldn't help with. But I reached for the Percocet instead. 

I vowed to never get addicted to drugs. I mean, that's how I lost my father so naturally I wanted nothing to do with them. 

You see, the thing is that I didn't know I was addicted to them until I stopped taking them. At the time, I thought I was doing what was right. I mean, they were prescribed to me by my doctor. An entire bottle full. 30 days. All right there in front of me. I thought I was supposed to take them. I'm young. This is my first baby. I didn't know what to fully expect when it came to pain medicine if we're being honest. To be fair, the last thing I wanted was a c-section. So when I thought of pain medicine ahead of time I was thinking about an epidural. Nothing I could take home. 

I think I stopped taking the Percocet about 2 weeks after being home. Honestly? I could have stopped probably about a week after. But that other week I was doing it because I wanted them. 

Fast forward to now, 5 1/2 months after having my daughter and I still think about them. I still think about taking one. Especially on nights where it's impossible to fall asleep. They were helpful but dangerous. 

I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this. I guess so that if there's any other moms out there who went through or are going through the same thing know they're not alone. It happens even when you don't know it or mean for it to happen. And that's something I never knew until now.