First easter not waking up and helping my

Mom make an easter dinner it's just hit me so hard cause I was home with her when she was sick and I usually I have my boyfriend for times like these but he's away right now and my friends are all busy it's just this feeling of being alone and I have been crying in my sleep cause I miss my

Mom I'd give anything to hug her one last time the last time I hugged her she was laying in a hospital bed and she wasn't breathing I don't think anyone can understand my pain there was so much that I wanted my mom to be there for like when I get my own house when I get married and I wanted her to help me pick out a dress I wanted her to be a rgrandmother and sure she's in heaven but I need her with me now we used to just go on random days of shopping for clothes and so many good memories but I can't get the picture of when I found her in the hospital out of my mind and I have so much falling on my shoulders my mom was just 43 she had just turned 43 cause we share a birthday she is the 17th and I am the 16th there's so much I would say to her or I would smile about I can still hear her voice in my head but I can't see her I just miss her so much and I really wish this wouldn't have happened to her on top of that it gives me such bad anxiety when someone close to me leaves I worry something bad will happen to them next gosh I need to be with my mom right now